PLANET SOCCER:THE week before last, you might remember, Hull City manager Phil Brown claimed that he had talked a woman out of jumping off the Humber bridge when he and his squad spotted her while out for a stroll.

"She was considering her future, shall we say. But we saved the girl," he said. "Sweet talk, you can say."

Eager to get, eh, the other side of the story the Hull Daily Mail, who reported that the board in charge of the bridge hadn't heard anything about the incident, sensitively asked: "Were you the woman on the bridge? Call the Mail's newsdesk".

According to the Daily Mirror's David Anderson, though, the Mail's phone won't be ringing. "The players walked behind Brown during their stroll and can't recall him speaking to any woman, let alone one who looked like she was about to end it all," he said.

Mysterious stuff.

Quotes of the week

"I described it to someone as me managing Leitrim against France – not just that, but if Leitrim was scattered around 18 islands out in the middle of the sea, where they had no near neighbours who could play them in games."

– Brian Kerr on the challenge that faced him and the Faroe Islands on Saturday night.

"I have to be coherent. There is a philosopher who says if you are too coherent, you run the risk of being an idiot but I can't keep changing. Now, it's qualify, qualify, qualify. I can't gamble."

– Giovanni Trapattoni explaining why he left Andy Reid out of his squad. We think.

"We qualified a bit riskily, but it is more fun that way."

– Alberto Gilardino, scorer of Italy's last minute equaliser on Saturday, laughing all the way to the World Cup finals. But is he happy?

"We must remember that we have different material to work with – Italy have silk, whereas I only have cotton."

– Trapattoni pays tribute to his players after Saturday's game. At least they're not acrylic.

"I come round and the dead man's ligament is in there."

– Hull's Jimmy Bullard retells the ordeal of an operation on his knee – he got some additions.

What a difference a day makes

ANOTHER addition to our famous last words collection:

John Barnes, October 8th: “I’m loving being manager of Tranmere Rovers . . . How long have I got?

“Five, six, seven, 10 years. Who knows?

“I’m fully committed and the chairman is fully committed.”

Tranmere chairman Peter Johnson, October 9th: “Unfortunately results have not gone our way this season and we are at the wrong end of the table. We must now focus on finding the best possible candidate to help us climb the division.”

Yep, Barnes and his assistant, Jason McAteer, were sacked by the club last week.

* LASTyear over 1,700 schools and orphanages benefited from "Strip for Africa", the brainchild of Aidan Gallagher, with football jerseys, shorts and socks donated by Irish children – and some grown-ups too.

If you have any strips – clean and in good condition – you no longer want you can help out by contacting stripforafrica@yahoo.ie.

This year’s shipment heads for South Africa on October 22nd.

More quotes of the week

“When I couldn’t move the mother dragged me to hospital and of course Mammies are always right, she was telling me it was my appendix the whole time and I wouldn’t listen to her.

“I was saying ‘Shut up mam, don’t be so stupid’. When she came in to the hospital to see me it was like she was after having her first grandchild, she was the proudest woman in the world because she knew what it was. I was lying there in bits.”

– Noel Hunt on his mother correctly diagnosing his appendicitis.

“I’ve watched his first few games for Madrid and he seems to have improved again. He’s passing the ball a lot more as well.”

– Wayne Rooney pays tribute to former Manchester United team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo, ish.

“What began as an on-field lady rumpus, involving at least 13 players, soon became kicking, hairpulling, screams, grunts and blood, far and wide.”

– As spotted by the Observer, an extract from a report on a Brazilian women’s match between Cesmac and SoEsporte which left one player hospitalised and led to fighting outside the ground. “Lady rumpus”? Superb.

“It’s fantastic working with Sir Alex. It’s everything you would expect of a top, top team, probably the biggest club in the world. Everything from the kit man to the girls who work in the canteen and the manager are just first class.”

– Manchester United’s Michael Owen guarantees himself a warm reception at Anfield when he visits his former club Liverpool later this month.

“I didn’t set out to offend anyone. What I said was, in terms of support, revenue and stadium, Man United are probably the biggest in the world but Madrid, Barcelona and Liverpool are up there with them in other areas.”

– Owen again. Stop digging.

“A miracle from Saint Palermo occurred that has given us one more life to qualify. . . the bearded man (God) came to visit the stadium of River.”

– Diego Maradona on the divine intervention that kept Argentina’s World Cup qualifying hopes alive on Saturday – Martin Palermo scored the winner in Buenos Aires against Peru two minutes in to injury-time.

No one quite like O'Leary

DAVID O'Leary was a guest on Sky Sports' Goalsyesterday and, naturally enough, was asked for his opinion on Ireland's performance against Italy and their prospects in the play-offs.

Suggesting that Giovanni Trapattoni has a squad of limited abilities at his disposal, he said “Ireland don’t have the players they used to – the O’Learys, the Stapletons, the Bradys”.

In fairness, you know what they say: modesty is the lowest of the virtues.