Leinster SHC First round: Offaly 2-12, Laois 0-8 Ah, Portlaoise yesterday. The conditions were slightly better when Noah took the life-changing decision to build the ark. The conditions were probably better in the west when the Connacht Council took the sensible decision to postpone yesterday's football fixture.
But in Portlaoise we defiantly played a full double header of hurling in the quagmire, reducing some of the best hurlers in the country to the levels of grace normally associated with hogs on ice. Madness really, and if there is consolation that nobody got hurt it is still a pity that teams who have been preparing so long for the first afternoon of the championship should have been asked to perform on such a stage.
Players slipped and hurleys flew. The ground was strewn with puddles the size of lakes and players couldn't get their stance when they went to strike. Defenders noticed that pulling a player's jersey sharply produced precisely the same effect as a player just slipping on his backside. Many were the jerseys that were pulled.
There was some talk beforehand that the deluge might suit Laois. The talk was founded in the past when Offaly had light men full of flicks and jinks and Laois had bruisers who could lift half a dozen of them at once if only they could catch them.
Yesterday, though, Offaly were bigger and more muscular than Laois and the game, sad to say, was over by the third minute when Aidan Hanrahan, least trumpeted of the Offaly full forward line, drove a low ball from 20 metres into the corner of the net. Laois had time to recover, of course, but they didn't have the instruments.
Laois manager Dinny Cahill did his best. The introduction of John Delaney after 24 minutes established a foothold in their two wing back positions as Joe Fitzpatrick hurled well throughout and James Young, as ever, had his share of frees flowing into the brackets after his name.
Offaly, though, were irresistible. Even while up to their knees in muck their stick-work looked far advanced on anything else on offer in yesterday's double header. Midfield hurled well and the full forward line saw plenty of ball and snaffled plenty of scores. So much so that one looks forward to seeing them on a firm sod against Wexford in the Leinster semi-final.
The intriguing thing for John McIntyre now is how he will rearrange the furniture. Alan Egan in his brief cameo on the field scored a lovely corner forwards' point and did enough to suggest that he is too good to be left on the bench the next day. The same, of course, goes for Brian Whelahan, who even at the age of 103 will have more to offer than most men in their twenties.
But, but, but. Joe Bergin made a solid debut at full forward yesterday. More than solid, really. On a day which mitigated against touch he scored Offaly's second goal when he pounced on a loose ball after 22 minutes and drove it home. He got a point also and got through a sight of work, putting himself about in conditions that tyros aren't supposed to like. Full forward is his summer job.
Brian Carroll is the natural and sentimental choice to wear the number 13 jersey, and in the other corner Hanrahan scored 1-1 and on a fine day would have doubled that.
He had one miss after 20 minutes which should win him a trophy. Hanrahan made a wonderful catch from a mishit Michael Cordial free and swivelled, only to blast the ball wide when he could see nothing but net.
Where will Egan and Whelahan fit? Well, there's enough games left in the summer to figure something out.
By half-time it was still raining and, with nine points dividing the teams, we prayed that Laois would make the novel gesture of just awarding the match to Offaly and sparing everyone pneumonia. Instead they were back out on the field before the referee was and stood contentedly soaking up the rain as if they were 15 pot plants.
Brendan Murphy got the first score of the second half and Carroll added a free soon after. The sort of flourishes which put an emphatic full stop to any daydreams of seeing a match.
It was hard not to feel sympathy for Laois as the game wound down. James Hyland and Cahir Healy hurled heroically at times and Joe Phelan came in and out at midfield. They had a little run of four unanswered points and you could catch glimpses of the promise which keeps Cahill chiselling away at the job.
Just glimpses though. Offaly have a balance about them that they haven't had in some time. Alan Egan and Dylan Hayden finished the scoring with a couple of sublime points, and we were reminded in the cruellest way that Offaly have a tradition of swagger and confidence that is unique and still valuable.
Any Wexford men in the audience will have gone away with wet feet and dark thoughts.
OFFALY: B Mullins; B Teehan, P Cleary, D Franks; K Brady, R Hanniffy, D Tanner; G Hanniffy (0-1), G Oakley; M Cordial, M O'Hara (0-1), B Murphy (0-1); B Carroll (0-5, four frees), J Bergin (1-1), A Hanrahan (1-1). Subs: D Hayden (0-1) for O'Hara (60 mins), A Egan (0-1) for B Carroll (62 mins), B Whelahan for Cordial (65 mins), B O'Meara for D Franks (65 mins), D Hoctor for G Oakley (66 mins).
LAOIS: P Mullaney; B Campion, P Cuddy, C Healy; J Fitzpatrick, M McEvoy, J Hyland; J Phelan (0-1), J Young, (0-4, frees); P Russell, D Rooney (0-1), S Dwyer; J Hooban, P Cuddy (0-1), S Lowry (0-1). Subs: D Cuddy for P Russell (6 mins), J Delaney for B Campion (24 mins), D Culleton for S Dwyer (half-time), M Rooney for Hooban (53 mins), Z Keenan for S Lowry (56 mins).
Referee: F Smith (Meath).
