No offence is meant here at all, at all to the good people who organised that opening ceremony, it's just that by the time it concluded with Naomi Osaka lighting the flame, it felt like the Paris 2024 Games should have been about to commence.
At least Hazel Irvine and Andrew Cotter had each other for company in the BBC commentary box, so one could take a little break to try and regain the will to live while the other took over. On RTÉ, though, George Hamilton had to plough a lonely furrow through the entire thing, only the odd ad break bringing him any relief.
Every four years (well, five this time around), some of us, who possibly need to get out more, fantasise about George having Ronnie Whelan alongside him in the commentary box for an Olympic opening ceremony, Ronnie's patience often tested by football matches that last only 90 minutes, never mind something of this duration. The chat on Friday, then, would probably have gone something like this:
Ronnie: “Thank God George, there’s Zimbabwe, it’s nearly over.”
George: “No, Ronnie – the nations are parading in Japanese alphabetical order, so there are still 120 to go.”
Ronnie: [ ].
Indeed, when the choir of small people began singing that John Lennon tune and hit the line "imagine there's no countries", Ronnie might not have been alone in dreaming of that very same eventuality. A country-less world would, after all, have made the parade of nations considerably more brief.
That’s not to say that parts of the ceremony weren’t lovely – they were. The first half was especially sombre with its acknowledgment of the pandemic and its impact on people’s lives, culminating in a minute’s silence for all those who were lost.
With in or around 70 per cent of the Japanese public wanting the Games cancelled or postponed because of the surge in Covid cases in their country, it would have been quite something if the ceremony had been an all-singin’, all-dancin’, happy-clappy-fireworky affair, with no nod at all to what was actually happening beyond the confines of the Olympic stadium. So, it was suitably poignant. Well, until it became an all-singin’, all-dancin’, happy-clappy-fireworky affair in the second half, the contrast with part one just a touch weird.
And then IOC president Thomas Bach told the near empty stands that "today is a moment of hope" and that the message from these Games is one of "solidarity, of peace and of resilience". If the protesters outside the stadium could have got their hands on him. All you can hope is that they didn't see the crooner-stuffed-video that accompanied Imagine, it had all the feeling of a Budweiser ad.
Any way, the first gold medal of Tokyo 2020(1) should go to George for his opening ceremony solo run, during which he not only identified a tune as one that emanated from a Sonic the Hedgehog computer game, but also provided us with an avalanche of interesting facts about the competing nations.
Although, you sensed he was beginning to wilt by the time nation number 196 appeared during the parade. “Here’s Liechtenstein – if you want to know more about the country, get thee to Wikipedia.” No, he didn’t say that last bit, but you sensed he was tempted.
Andrew was having a similar struggle back on the BBC, starting enthusiastically with his fact-fest – “Uzbekistan contains part of the Aral Sea which used to be the fourth largest lake in the world, but 90 per cent of it is now disappeared, it started with a Soviet irrigation scheme in the 1960s”; “Dominica – named for the Latin word for Sunday which was the day of the week it was spotted by Christopher Columbus in 1493” – but not really caring any more by the time we got to nation number 130. “Nepal. With the only non-four-sided flag in the world.”
The highlight of the day? This might be a little bit parochial, but sure look, what harm: the Irish team, led by flag bearers Kellie Harrington and Brendan Irvine, bowing out of respect to their hosts. A small thing, but a lovely thing. Let the Games commence, and may their luggage be stuffed with medals on their return.
