Euro talk"They literally bombed the German box."- ITV's Ciive Allen, during the Holland v Germany game, taking this "Dutch revenge for 60 years ago" lark a bit too far.

"Sex, Football, Beer - Have I forgotten Anything?"

- As spotted on a Danish supporter's t-shirt at the Italian game.

"They are horrible. We've used them (new adidas ball) in training and the thing moves all over the place. It's supposed to be round."

- David James, making no excuses.

"On European beaches in the summer football is not required for there to be incidents with drunken Englishmen."

- UEFA director of communications William Gaillard responds to news of trouble in Albufeira.

"A manager once said to me if a player spits at you you've just got to swallow it."

- Gary Lineker, on hearing of Francesco Totti's transgression.

"We want to meet France again. If there is a fairytale plan it would be scuppered by someone else knocking them out."

- David James, again.

The Italians - no excuses

"It was like having your feet on boiling sand, nothing like that has ever happened to me before."

- Francesco Totti about his boots during the Denmark game.

"I had blisters at the end of the game on my heels. The thread that these socks were made with is too rough."

- Christian Panucci about his socks during the Denmark game.

"Don't make me laugh about this story with the socks. Kenyans run hundreds of kilometres with bare feet."

- Gennaro Gattuso, unimpressed by the above.

"I don't even want to talk about it. They're going to take us for being ridiculous."

- Alessandro Nesta, equally unimpressed.

Totti the genius

"Totti - The Italian Llama", read the headline on Danish website www.dr.dk yesterday, after the Italy's golden boy was caught on film spitting at Denmark's Christian Poulsen. Totti had until midnight last night to offer a defence for his actions but, at time of going to press, we don't know if he offered the llama defence, i.e. "I was just trying to settle an argument over food and establish my dominance in my herd."

Totti is considered to be the David Beckham of Italian football, i.e. very talented but not spectacularly smart. We're not convinced it's entirely true but legend has it that a reporter once said to him "Carpe Diem", to which he allegedly replied: "I'm sorry, I don't speak English."

He did give his blessing to a joke book dedicated to him last year. It sold in bucketloads, but we have to assume it was because proceeds went to charity (including UNICEF, for which Totti is a goodwill ambassador) - it was hardly for the jokes, e.g.: Totti tries to finish a jigsaw puzzle. It takes him almost four months, then he turns the box over and reads: 'From 2 to 3 years'. He says: 'Ah, so now I'm a genius!'

Sounds familiar

"He sees himself as a star," said Russia coach Georgy Yartsev, "but I certainly don't see him as one". And that was his adieu to Alexander Mostovoi, who he sent home on Monday after the midfielder had publicly criticised him in the press after the defeat by Spain. "After what he said to the press he no longer exists for me," said Yartsev.

Yesterday's Reuters' headline: "Russia divided over Mostovoi's expulsion". "I really regret this decision, it doesn't help the team. Even if Mostovoi spoke out critically against the coach, I don't think it was a reason for such a dismissal," said Valery Draganov, vice-president of the Russian Football Union. But: "In my opinion players are to blame in all such conflicts," said former Russian international Yuri Sevidov.

Cripes, aren't the Russians a volatile, hot-blooded lot? That their manager and one of their leading players couldn't just get on for the sake of their country, having gone to the trouble of qualifying for a major tournament, and set their differences aside, well, it's sad. One thing's for sure, it would never happen in Ireland.

Zidane unravelled

Hats off to Football 365 for coming up with the anagram of Euro 2004: Zinedine Zidane = And in zi end ezie.

Humble Hakan

Hakan Yakin previews England v Switzerland: "The English defence does not convince me at all. I am convinced that we will do damage to them. The team does not have the mental capacity to react on the pitch. A team of quality would win the match with the score at 1-0 in the 90th minute. A team like England has many stars and few workers. This way they will never arrive at the highest level because they always treat themselves as favourites and they never fulfil that tag. They need a humility lesson and Switzerland can give this out for free. I was convinced that France would beat the English and now we will crush them because they will be hurt physically. The word failure does not exist in this team."

Sounds to us like Hakan could do with a humility lesson himself.

Ronaldo dives in

According to yesterday's Daily Mirror, Cristiano Ronaldo has accused Greece of being "divers". Oi, stop laughing at the back.