If you bear even a passing resemblance to Wayne Rooney then you could be in the money. England's many look-a-like agencies are issuing desperate pleas on their websites for Rooney doubles to contact them, promising plenty of work, if not £100,000-a-week contracts with Russian-owned London clubs.

A face worth a fortune

We don't mean to cast any aspersions on www.alistlookalikes.co.uk's efforts so far to find another Wayne, but when their Danny looks in the mirror we don't really think he sees Rooney staring back. Take a look yourself.

Lawrie's looking good

Speaking of the hunt for Rooney look-a-likes: we're not too convinced by any of the offerings we've seen so far, the best, perhaps, being BBC Online's offering of Paul Lawrie a few months ago (see picture).

Nor do we see much of a likeness between Rooney and the creature Football 365 claim he resembles: Shrek. Although, in a certain light . .

Losing the name game

Spare a thought for Mickey Rooney of Sutton Coldfield in England. He has endured a lifetime of people going "ha, ha, Mickey Rooney, ha, ha", so when he had a son he resisted naming him Michael. He called him Wayne.

So, Mickey's Wayne is experiencing what his father went through, revealing to the Sun that when he gave his name in a video shop recently the lad behind the counter cracked up, said "ha, ha, Wayne Rooney, ha, ha", and "shouted to his mate that he had Wayne Rooney in the shop." It's going to be a long, long life.

Rooney talk

"He looks as if he had climbed down from his place among the boozy, flag-waving, chanting thousands and joined the players for a bet. He doesn't even look terribly athletic."

- Was the London Times paying tribute to or insulting Rooney?

"We are not afraid of Wayne Rooney."

- Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo. You probably should be Cristiano, you probably should be.

"I felt like I was in front of a firing squad."

- Croatia's goalkeeper Tomislav Butina after a night being shot at by Rooney.

"Rooney . . . is a very good player - although I wouldn't say a phenomenon. There are at least 10 players in Europe who may stop him."

- Croatia coach Otto Baric, failing to name any of the 10.

"The team did very well today and I'm lucky enough to get two goals."

- The lad himself. Cocky so-and-so, eh?

Failing to net millions

We attempted to show some entrepreneurial spirit yesterday by laying claim to the website addresses www.waynerooney.co.uk and www.waynerooney.com, with the intention of selling them to the man himself for hundreds of millions of pounds, but we were too late: "This name was recently registered at register.com" was the message that greeted us.

We also tried www.rooney.com, but that already belongs to Rooney Landscape Inc (like Rooney's Everton it's still under construction), while www.rooney.co.uk is the website of Rooney Associates, a firm of Licensed Insolvency Practitioners based in Liverpool. We've a sneaky feeling Wayne won't be in need of reading their section on "personal financial problems", but their advice that you "take charge of your financial problems now before they take charge of you", if heeded by Everton, could well see them accepting a £50 million bid any day soon.

P.S. www.thenewpele.com and www.boywonder.com were both free - too late, we got there first.

An aging reminder

Ever feel old? Wayne Rooney's earliest England football memory - Euro '96.

Don't mess with gran Most unique Euro 2004-related interview so far: Sky News' chat ("Live and Exclusive") with Wayne Rooney's Granny, Pat Morrey, at the Gala Club in Croxteth, Liverpool, yesterday.

Granny was playing bingo at the time and seemed none too pleased to be disturbed. The Sky man bid a hasty retreat. Now he knows where Wayne got his aggressive streak.

Apart from Rooney . .

"This time . . . there was no glory, not even dignity, nothing to cling on to, not even to good play or bad luck . . . this time we deserved everything that happened to us."

- Spanish newspaper AS helps cheer up its readers after Spain's exit.

"Madrid would like to make use of his marketing possibilities for another season, but of all the galacticos he is the one with the least talent. He has contributed nothing at all."

- And El Pais's Jose Samano takes his depression out on David Beckham.

"We knocked on the door of hell, luckily no one was there."

- Greek midfielder Vassilios Tsiartas after losing to Russia, and almost blowing their chances of reaching the quarter-finals.

"Tear down the walls for the heroes to pass."

- Greek newspaper Ethnos, a bit chuffed with their boys.

"Zidane has always been there when it matters most. He is a leader, the leader of this team. His presence alone is incredibly powerful. In that sense, he's like (Lilian) Thuram or me."

- And Marcel Desailly said this without giggling (Dangerhere.com).

"There are world-class strikers in this tournament but we have to use other methods."

- Short of recalling Gerd Muller, Rudi Voller's not sure how Germany are going to score goals.

England well off-side

Locals, allegedly, complained about the noise coming from England's hotel after their win over Switzerland, with one, quoted by the Daily Mirror, taking offence at their taste in music.

"The music was very loud and the party was still going strong into the early hours," he said. "I didn't mind the chill out music, but I thought about complaining when they started playing Simply Red."