Ronaldinho lookalikeThe Football 365 website has a lookalike section that features some uncanny likenesses, none more so, we reckon, than the pairing of Ronaldinho and Trisha (lest you haven't heard of her, she's the one who has a Jerry Springer-type daytime television show).

Honestly, she could line out in Camp Nou for the second leg against AC Milan.

Quotes of the week

"Robbie Keane is not English, but he is British."

- Spurs manager Martin Jol (who's from the German colony of Holland).

"I asked for a transfer myself in 1982 when I handed Alex Ferguson a request and was told to go forth and multiply."

- Gordon Strachan reminisces fondly about his days at Aberdeen.

"I've seen worse. But not very often."

- Johnny Giles, riveted by the Everton v Birmingham game on Saturday.

"I don't read the papers, I don't gamble, I don't even know what day it is."

- Middlesbrough's Steve McClaren, who hopes to manage Sheffield Tuesday one day.

"Liverpool and Chelsea are always close when they play each other, apart from the 4-1 at Anfield earlier this season . . . although they lost 2-0 down here."

- Kenny Dalglish attempts to preview Saturday's FA Cup semi-final, but kinda gives up half-way.

It's not easy for Nakamura

We were disappointed that Shunsuke Nakamura didn't manage to score for Celtic when he came on as a sub in yesterday's Old Firm derby, simply because the Celtic supporters didn't get the chance to taunt their Rangers pals with their current favourite: "Oh it's so Japanesey, so Japanesey, oh it's so Japanesey . . ."

More quotes of the week

"The referee would have been comic if he hadn't been a weapon of mass destruction."

- Spanish newspaper AS suggesting Konrad Plautz was somewhat anti-Villarreal at Highbury last week.

"It just came in so quickly, he tried to get a head on it and it came off the wrong corner of his head."

- Norwich manager Nigel Worthington explaining how Jason Shackell, and his peculiarly shaped skull, scored an own goal.

"I don't think about the word owe. I owe something to my dad, yes, who put me on this planet."

- Thierry Henry leaves his ma out of the equation.

"They cannot do anything without Roman Abramovich. He started the revolution . . . he is the key . . . he has done a fantastic job with this team. They must be at the top of the table, and in finals, it is normal if you spend big money. Abramovich has done a very good job."

- Rafa Benitez pays yet another non-tribute to Jose.

"At the end of the day, it was just details that decided the match."

- AC Milan's Kaka after the small detail of a goal gave Barcelona a win in their epic meeting.

Rooney tunes

With a bit of luck Wayne Rooney didn't pick up the Sunday People from his local newsagents yesterday. If he did he'd have learnt that his little brother Graham (18) is the star of a video that appeared on the internet, in which he sings: "One Harold Shipman, there's only one Harold Shipman, Scousers say thanks, 'cos he only killed Mancs, walking in a Shipman wonderland."

As a Scouser whose employers are "Mancs", Wayne, you'd imagine, is chuffed with his brother's little ditty.

Cyril in a different league

It was, we reckon, mere seconds after Cyril the squirrel made his debut at Highbury last week that this gag was doing the internet rounds: "What's the difference between the squirrel and Spurs? The squirrel has Champions League experience."

Even more quotes of the week

"An agent said to me once that you have to blindfold a player and gag them to get them up here - then put a big wad in their pocket. So it's definitely not easy."

- Celtic's Gordon Strachan on just how keen players are to move to Scottish football.

"Arsenal fans avoided singing Nice One Squirrel on the grounds of its Tottenham Hotspur associations."

- The Daily Telegraph on Cyril's appearance in Highbury.

"Chelsea are not arrogant. Arrogance is to go public saying another team will lose and then lose yourself. Only losers do that. In that sense you could say that Ferguson is a loser. He may have won a lot of things but he doesn't have class."

- Claude Makelele. Cripes.

"An open goal, just with the keeper in front? You have to put the ball in the net, but I never like to go individually and make a player responsible for defeat."

- Mourinho makes Joe Cole responsible for defeat against Liverpool.

Testing times for Iacov

Constantin Iacov, the main shareholder of Romanian club National Bucharest, was so enraged by two successive defeats to Vaslui and Jiul Petrosani - defeats that ruined the club's hopes of qualifying for Europe competition next season - he has demanded the players take a lie-detector test.

"It's about a moral audit which will allow our players to show they played honestly against Vaslui and Petrosani," he, em, explained. "I think it's normal to check your employees from time to time. I'll be the first to undergo the polygraph test and the team's coaches soon after me."

If - in response to the question "Are you bonkers?" - Iacov says "No", that'll be him failed.