McCarthy's men abroadIt being a quiet-ish weekend for the Irish abroad, we had half prepared a gushing, lavish tribute to the Sellafield Shamrocks, as some folk this side of the Irish Sea have re-christened Carlisle United (thank you to Aidan for this information). But, if proof were needed that there's a kiss-of-death quality about this little section of Planet Football, read on.
On Saturday Peter Murphy was sent off for Carlisle in their 1-0 defeat at Shrewsbury, Richie Foran (who now has a damn useful 16 goals to his name, scoring twice against Macclesfield last Monday) was booked for the 11th time this season, Will McDonagh was substituted at half-time and Roddy Collins was sacked within hours of the final whistle. Other than that, though, it was a good . . . no, no, it wasn't.
So, we've put our Carlisle tribute on the back-burner for now. Carlisle old-boy Rory Delap (right), no doubt, would very much like if we made no reference whatsoever to his current progress at Southampton, but we couldn't help but notice that his boss, Gordon Strachan, has respectfully suggested to Mick McCarthy that his man is worthy of a place in the World Cup squad, in light of his current form. "I know Mick McCarthy is loyal to all his players, but if there's one space in his squad, it's got to go to Rory. You cannot have a better person in your squad - he can play anywhere," he said. If it all goes horribly wrong for Delap in the next week or three you'll know who to blame.
What's the date, Paolo?
Seeing as their beloved team is currently just three places clear of the relegation zone in the English Second Division, Chesterfield supporters could probably do with any scrap of good news they can lay their hands. Imagine their glee, then, when they read on the club's website last Monday that, after "much secretive work in both Chesterfield and South America, the Spireites have managed to pull off their most amazing transfer deal ever. Paraguayan World Cup certainty Paolo Rifkojels will join up with Chesterfield (from Argentinian champions Racing Club) at the start of July following the World Cup".
TeamTalk, Worldsoccernews ("Racing lose Paraguay star to Chesterfield") and the BBC website picked up on the story which reported that Rifkojels "is married to a Chesterfield girl, Isobel" and the pair had always planned on settling down in her home town - a dream move for all concerned, then. Better still, "Chesterfield have signed a sponsorship deal with an Asuncion software company to pay his wages during the one year he's signed for the Spireites".
Problem? Paolo Rifkojels is an anagram of April Fool's Joke. Chesterfield fans who'd already had Rifkojels printed on the back of their replica shirts? Scarlet.
Quotes of the week
"The title race is not over, everyone's got tough games coming up. Manchester United have got Arsenal, Arsenal have got Manchester United and Leeds have got Leeds."
- Bobby Robson (left). Of course.
"He's not the Carl Cort that we know he is."
- Bobby Robson. Again.
"It is impossible to play two matches in three days - only horses can do that."
- Chelsea boss Claudio Ranieri. Can we expect to see Bindaree at Stamford Bridge next season?
"He could have done a lot better there, but full marks to the lad."
- Ron "Big" Atkinson. Don't you wish Ron had corrected your exam papers?
Protocol breached early doors
Spotted in the Racing Post last week, a quite tremendous plea to the FA's "cliché committee" to get its house in order following an "incredible recent breach of protocol" in a Press Association report. "The story began: 'Joe Kinnear has issued a come-and-get-him plea for Luton left back Matthew Taylor'. This is a serious situation. Surely the PA, as the national news agency, should know better than to think it is legal to issue come-and-get-him pleas on page 62 of the official rules of cliché usage, rule 28 XII (b) clearly states: At the end of the day, if a want-away player's heart is set on a move he can set his stall out to issue a come-and-get-me plea, but it is not permissible to issue a plea on anyone else's behalf."
The unnamed Racing Post reporter then issued a dire warning: "If strong disciplinary action is not taken, the floodgates will open and the system, which has served the game so well for years, is in danger of being abused. Imagine it. Managers will be saying things like 'I'm as sick as a toucan', 'the boys done great middle doors' and 'these things have a habit of evening themselves out over the course of a 260-day period'. It would be total cliché anarchy." Magnificent.
Ah Sammy boy
Speaking of clichés of the unforgivable kind: while we sympathise with Northern Ireland manager Sammy McIlroy (right), whose hopes of a half-decent result or two haven't been helped lately by the fact that nine-tenths of his squad tend to withdraw at the last minute after picking up unfortunate knocks, we thought he was pushing a bit last week when he lashed out at the criticism his side received after their 0-0 draw with Liechtenstein. Ready? "I cannot believe the flack we are taking - there are no easy games in international football". Erm, not even against Liechtenstein?
More quotes of the week
"It was such an important win against Villa, Kevin, that it meant more than three points . . . possibly six, seven or even eight points?"
- A question put to Bolton's Kevin Nolan on Today FM, as heard by Tommy Brown. We've heard of relegation six-pointers, but eight- pointers?
"As soon as he was signed we tried to get a new chant going, but as soon as someone said, 'Give us a Y', there was nothing but confusion, with people going off with their own spellings of the boy's first name."
- Keith Brown of the Bolton Wanderers Supporters Association on life with Youri Djorkaeff in your team.
Hasan minces his words
IF the second leg of the Champions League quarter-final between Real Madrid and Bayern Munich is half as entertaining as the post-first leg aggro we'll be well pleased. "Real were nice to watch - a back-heel here and another trick there," said Bayern's Hasan Salihamidzic, "but it was not effective and when we increased the pressure, they got afraid and they nearly crapped their pants". Lovely. "I would not respond to such an unknown player," responded Real's Roberto Carlos (left), "who is this guy?"
Football on TV
Today: Newcastle v Fulham, Sky pay-per-view, 7.30
Tuesday: Bayer Leverkusen v Liverpool, TV3, 7.45.
Wednesday: Manchester United v Deportivo La Coruna, TV3, UTV 7.45.
Saturday: Sunderland v Liverpool, Sky pay-per-view, 5.35.
Sunday: Middlesbrough v Arsenal (FA Cup semi-final), Sky Sports 2, 4.0; Fulham v Chelsea (FA Cup semi-final), BBC1, 7.0.
