Away from home: We could talk about Kevin Kilbane's new life as a Sunderland left-back, Stephen McPhail's run of two-games-in-a-row in Leeds' starting line-up, Robbie Keane's goal for Spurs yesterday, Joe Murphy's first Premiership start for West Brom and Jason Gavin's first appearance of the season in Middlesbrough's starting line-up. But we won't.
Instead, we'd prefer to focus on the sick and injured, because that's the kind of loving people we are. Keith O'Neill (right)? Is there no end to this man's bodily mishaps? He was all set to return to Coventry training in December, after breaking his leg in two places last season, when he suffered a stress fracture to his right foot. Now? He's aiming for a February return.
Richie Foran? Broke his cheek-bone last week, after a close encounter with Bournemouth's Chukkie Eribenne, and now has four to six weeks to enjoy Carlisle's tourist attractions while he recuperates.
Richie Partridge? Happier news. For years now Liverpool die-hards have been telling us that 'the future is Richie', but he's still waiting for his breakthrough at Anfield. Off he went, on loan, to Coventry last week, now managed by his former Liverpool reserves team-mate Gary McAllister. Three appearances. First doesn't count, in our benevolent book (sub in 3-2 defeat by Millwall) - the next two most certainly do: an 8-0 League Cup win over Rushden and Diamonds and a 2-0 away win against Gillingham. Planet Football's dream? The Two Richies, Foran and Partridge, lead the Rep of Ire to glory. Don't laugh. Remember, the future is Richie(s).
Infuriated soul
We, of course, defend the right of any infuriated soul to hurl abuse in our direction if they are offended by anything they read in this newspaper. So, when our soccer correspondent outrageously suggested earlier this week that Jeff Kenna might possibly/maybe win himself a recall to the Irish squad for the game against Switzerland he was, frankly, asking for trouble.
"Steve Finnan's absence, combined with that of Tottenham's Steve Carr, could mean a recall for Birmingham City's Jeff Kenna," he wrote, in an offensively provocative manner. Little wonder, then, that one email poured in, in protest.
The author questioned our man's wisdom in suggesting that Kenna might be in with a chance of an international comeback, alleging that our man was utterly ignorant of the claims of a superior, nay magnificent, young Irish full-back plying his trade, as they say, across the water.
Grand. Except. Our emailer appeared to be unaware that when his message arrived in our inbox it would be accompanied by his full name. Which, funnily enough, matched the not entirely common surname of the full-back in question. Brother, father, uncle? We don't know. We hadn't the Heart(s) to ask.
Nice little earner
Money for old rope? Well, we don't mean to be unkind, but whichever way you look at it Mark Bosnich (right), has earned £3,520,000 since he joined Chelsea from Manchester United in January 2001, since when he has played seven (count 'em) first team games for the club. Admittedly our maths are dodgy, but we reckon that works out at £50,286-a-game, a mere £10,000 more than he earns a week at Stamford Bridge, where he is now third choice goalkeeper. (Add to the mix Winston Bogarde, the Dutch defender who is on £40,000-a-week and hasn't appeared in the first team for 18 months). All of which makes chairman Ken Bates' recent comment ever so slightly amusing: "the players at this club earn their keep". No offence Ken, but . . . we don't think so.
Guess who I bumped into . . .
Hats off to the London Evening Standard. How can we ever thank them for their Supermarket Watch section? Last week? Graeme Le Saux, sensationally, bought "organic butternut squash in Waitrose". Right. Thanks for that.
Quotes of the week
"What a great match. No football, but a great match."
- The BBC's bewildered Alan Hansen at the Old Firm derby yesterday.
"If it finishes 3-3 I think the people who will be most pleased will be the accident and emergency people in the hospitals."
- BBC co-commentator Pat Nevin alleging that trouble oft follows a Celtic-Rangers game in Glasgow.
"I can't think of a more influential left-back in world football - apart from Roberto Carlos."
- Paul Merson, on, em, Portsmouth's Matt Taylor. Stop sniggering at the back.
"I wouldn't do it. Not for anything. There's no value in it. You go in and you get slaughtered. What's the point? It's very Mickey Mouse, that."
- Vinnie Jones explaining why he's not interested in taking part in Celebrity Big Brother. Us? Gutted.
"At all those clubs I played for, I was a cult". Well, there but for a spelling mistake is the truth."
- Football 365's rather harsh verdict on Carlton Palmer's boastful claim last week.
"I'm not looking for a permanent move at the moment because I have still got another two years left on my contract at Liverpool and I would like to see those out. But if things didn't work out at Liverpool, Coventry is as big a club as any...".
- Irish lad Richie Partridge keeps a straight face?
"Liverpool is such a beautiful city, with a lot of culture - and I love living here. I have even learned how to cook spaghetti and fried eggs."
- Everton's Chinese defender Li Wei Feng on his, um, chic lifestyle on Merseyside.
"Hopefully we'll surprise a few people with the way we play."
- Cambridge United boss John Taylor ahead of the League Cup clash with Sunderland last week. Which Sunderland won 7-0, surprisingly.
Sent by Coventry
Paul Hall? In future? Say: nothing. Last week? "We can give them a run for their money and matched them all the way. Coventry helped me to be the player I am today - I'm looking to go back and hurt them with it." Result? League Cup: Coventry City 8 Rushden and Diamonds 0. For whom does Paul play? How do we put this? Rushden and . . . Tulips?
You must be joking
Liked this, as spotted by Football 365. "Monday: Glasgow Rangers announce record losses of £19.1million and reveal they are £52million in debt. Tuesday: A story on the official Rangers website urges fans to "contact the club for advice" on "all aspects of financial planning . . . including mortgages, pensions, savings and investments." Sub. Lime.
Two places at the same time
Planet Football would never claim to be a fan of golf, not least because the sport uses up valuable field space that could be used for football. Naturally enough, then, we were aghast to see several football legends partaking in that Dunhill thingie business in Scotland last week, including Ruud Gullit, Johan Cruyff, Bobby Charlton and Kenny Dalglish. And Gary Lineker (peeping from a bunker at Kingsbarns, above).
Gary was doing mightily well in the tournament until he had to withdraw for work reasons (i.e. he was presenting the BBC's coverage of Celtic v Rangers). Why, then, did Gary appear on Ceefax's Dunhill latest scores page for most of Sunday afternoon, despite him being holed up in a Glasgow football studio? At one point he even improved his score by two shots, in around the time Henrik Larsson scored that delectable goal, even though he had departed the tournament the night before. Confused? Us too.
