By the sounds of it he's been put on a diet that only a rabbit would savour but the latest Richard "10lb lighter" Dunne renaissance began impressively enough at Birmingham on Saturday where Manchester City had their first away win of the season - and kept only their third clean sheet in 12 games. As Kevin Keegan told us last week "Dunnie looks hungrier now", to which it was tempting to reply, "so would you if you were living on lettuce leaves and carrot sticks and had a constitution like our Richie".
Away from home
Dunne's former club, Everton, picked up another win yesterday, beating West Ham 1-0 at Upton Park. We've called Lee Carsley many things in our time but never "goalpoacher supreme" - yep, he got the game's only goal. Amongst those who showered Carsley with hugs and kisses was young Wayne Rooney - you may have heard of him. We received eight emails this week from folk hoping that some of the blood streaming through Rooney's veins is of an Irish variety. The good news? According to Brian Kerr, Rooney has two Irish grandparents. The calamitous news? He's already represented England at competitive level. Gutted.
Alan Lee (ninth of the season), David Connolly and Denis Irwin were amongst the goals for Rotherham, Wimbledon and Wolves, respectively, in Division One - Connolly's goal came against Sheffield United, for whom one Paddy Kenny was in goal. Yes, your wild guess is spot on - he has an Irish connection. In fact: "if he doesn't play for the Republic in the next four or five years, I'll show my backside on the Town Hall steps," as United manager Neil Warnock threatened last week while raving about Dean Kiely's former Bury understudy (as noted by Barry McCutcheon).
Meanwhile, George Graham has failed to endear himself to Spurs fans, still recovering from the old Gooner's reign at the club, by suggesting that their beloved Stephen Carr should move to Highbury when his contract runs out in 18 months. "Stephen is the Arsenal type, someone who wants to win things, play for a big club and improve himself," said George, who will need to don a bullet-proof vest if he ever chooses to visit White Hart Lane again.
PS: Hats off to Richie Partridge, scorer of a 30-yard screamer for Coventry (where he's on loan from Liverpool) against Norwich last Wednesday night.
Rooney alert
If you're a regular email user you'll probably have found this in your inbox last week, following Everton's win over Arsenal at Goodison Park. Thanks to Brendan for sending it to us - and apologies to the pony-tailed goalkeeper from north London: "Merseyside police have named a local youth wanted for questioning in connection with an incident on Saturday afternoon in which a shot was fired at a pensioner. The elderly man, from north London, and described as 'extremely frail and immobile' is said to have been left severely traumatised by the ordeal, and Police warn that his attacker may strike again. Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of Wayne Rooney (16), should contact Merseyside Police immediately."
Who?
BBC's digital radio station 6 Music is currently running a "Top 100 Great Britons" poll and it is proving to be a more rounded effort than BBC2's list. At number six, for example, is Oliver Postgate, the voice of Bagpuss, while Wallace (65th) and Gromit (33rd) also feature, as does the cat from Coronation Street (98th) and Alan Kernaghan's uncle Jackie Wright (of 'Slaphead' Benny Hill fame - 89th). And at 85? Thanks to a superb multiple voting campaign by a set of football supporters - Jon Newby, Bury's leading scorer. Shades of the time Manchester City midfielder Jamie Pollock clinched the title of "the most remarkable person of the last 2000 years", pipping Jesus Christ in to second place (as voted by QPR fans, grateful for a Pollock own goal that helped them escape relegation to division two).
Quotes of the week
"We don't want to count our chickens but I hope we can do the same against Kiev."
- Who'd have thought anyone but Darina Allen would ever get the words "chicken" and "Kiev" in the same sentence, eh? Maybe that's why we love Bobby Robson so.
"I didn't know what to do. I just started running."
- Diego Forlan explaining how stunned he was when he scored on Saturday. Not half as much as us Diego, not half as much.
"If you hire people who are smarter than you, maybe you are showing that you are a little bit smarter than them."
- Two words: Howard, Wilkinson.
Two more: who, else? Sky Sports's Jeff Stelling: "Like Gary Lineker and Emile Heskey will you be making a donation to Leicester City, your old club?" Alan Smith: "Yes! A six figure sum. £14.99. Oh. That's not a six figure sum, is it? No." Stelling: "No, Alan, it's not."
"Eriksson is now experiencing what all international managers receive at some time or other, although I must admit his so-called private life hasn't helped his situation. But should people in glass houses really throw these stones at him? Stand up all you journalists who have not had extra-marital affairs."
- Graham Taylor, speaking to a room of football hacks all wishing they had a reason to vacate their seats.
King returns
Good to see Gillingham forward Marlon King back in action on Saturday after his jail term for handling a stolen car was reduced on appeal from 18 months to nine. King was released from prison on Wednesday and came on as a sub against Ipswich four days later, although he admitted that he lacked "match sharpness". As you would. Marlon, you might remember, spent a portion of last season trying to prove that he is eligible to play for the Republic of Ireland (through his maternal grandmother) but his brush with the law meant he had to postpone his research in to his family tree. Fair dues to his club, though - they stood by him when he was put away, as evidenced by manager Andy Hessenthaler's words at the time: "I need to see Marlon face-to-face to reassure him that I am behind him."
More quotes of the week
"It's not like we have driven into a tree at 160 m.p.h."
- Arsene Wenger explaining that a defeat by Everton is not necessarily the end of the world. But that was before they lost to Auxerre and Blackburn. Altogether now: there is a God.
"I don't know why he was signed, certainly not to take my place. Ricardo's presence does nothing to concern me. There is no competition from him."
- Fabien "oh Lord it's so hard to be humble" Barthez welcomes United's Spanish goalkeeper to the club.
"When he came here we said he needed to find a home, because he had been drifting a bit from club to club at the age of 22, and we feel he has now found a home. He is enjoying his football - and I am sure he is going to go on from here."
- Spurs boss Glenn Hoddle on Robbie Keane's wanderlust.
"If we lose I don't think we've failed. There is a difference between losing and failure."
- Bobby Robson, again.
Shopping for fans
In advance of their much derided move to Milton Keynes Wimbledon are trying to whip up a bit of interest amongst the locals in the hope that one or three of them might turn up for games when they arrive in town. According to the London Evening Standard the club came up with the idea of offering Milton Keynes residents coach travel to and from Selhurst Park with a match ticket, all for £10. Smart. Except? Several folk have taken up the generous offer but upon disembarking from their coach at the ground they've headed straight in to London to do a spot of shopping.
Have a Harte
After losing his place to Teddy Lucic in the Leeds team on Saturday Ian Harte could probably do with a lift - we think we might be able to offer him one. The Guardian was transfer-rumour spotting on the internet last week and noted that Leeds had (allegedly) declared an interest in a South American left-back by the name of . . . Roberto Carlos. "That's all I bloody need," Harte most probably muttered to himself. Fear not, young Hartey - the man in question is not the legendary Big Thighs himself, rather his namesake from Colombian side Independiente de Medellin.
