Those Manchester United supporters who are convinced John Magnier and JP McManus are trying to destroy their beloved club will have their suspicions heightened by news that Rock Of Gibraltar recently, well, got it together with a mare called . . . Chelsea.
Cover stories
First Juan Veron, then Peter Kenyon, now this. Ironically enough, the Rock, whose sex life is getting almost as much media exposure these days as Jordan's, also had a fling with a horse of a woman by the name of Trusted Partner. Stop giggling at the back. The London Evening Standard suggested they call the foal: Always Put It In Writing.
Byrne joins the queue
We were sad to see on www.tribalfootball.com last week that Manchester United have released former Irish under-19 international Danny Byrne, but bemused to read that "the Irish winger is now a free agent and can join interested clubs on a Busman transfer". Does this mean Byrne will wait ages for an interested club to arrive, only for five to come along all at the same time?
Quotes of the week
"We owe it to ourselves first and foremost and, more importantly, to our fans."
- Kevin Keegan (echoes of "England have the best fans in the world, and Scotland's are second-to-none.").
"We don't get any marks for effort like in ice skating."
- Keegan, again. In fairness, that triple axle quadruple toe loop at White Hart Lane last week was worth a perfect six.
"When each (Liverpool) player is on top form I would even go so far to say we are superior to Manchester United."
- Stephane Henchoz has them rolling in the aisles.
"The day I get my bearings back in front of goal, people won't be talking about Thierry Henry anymore - they'll be talking about me instead."
- Wolves' Henri Camara. Riiiiiight.
"I feel that it's like a time bomb that can explode, the good or the bad way."
- Ruud Gullit on Roman Abramovich's Chelsea empire (can a bomb explode in a good way?).
Moses supposes
erroneously
We read yesterday about the rather unpleasant incident at Millwall where two players squared up to each other in the club canteen, before one pulled a knife on the other. Moses Ashikodi was the guilty party - he has been transfer-listed and, we hope, told to pick on someone his own size: Ashikodi is nine years younger, seven inches shorter and three stones lighter than Mark McCammon, the player he took on. No wonder he armed himself first.
More quotes of the week
"I would like to coach an English club as the football there is enjoyable. It might sound strange, but Spurs are an important club."
- Roberto Mancini. "Strange" isn't the word for it, Bobbio.
"Attila the Hun is on his way back to Hungary. He's useless. He's long gone."
- We take it Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp won't be putting in a bid for Hungarian trialist Attila Tokoli?
"I am ready to play for a big club again."
- Nicolas Anelka, effectively putting in a transfer request at Manchester City.
"The Nigerians are in real trouble now - they're going to have to get their finger out, but it is not going to be easy as their backs are against the wall."
- Dangerhere.com spots some delicious metaphor-mixing from African Nations Cup co-commentator John Salako.
"You're going to the only place madder than Manchester United."
- Alex Ferguson's alleged farewell (Sunday Times) to the club's director of communications Paddy Harveson, who's taking up the same post with . . . Prince Charles.
Get your finger
out, please
UEFA's website told us a little more than we wanted to know about Seville defender Pablo Alfaro's "ultimate tackle from behind" on Atletico Madrid debutant Toche: "Alfaro plunged his finger inside Toche's rectum in an incident that was missed by the referee". Oops, there goes your breakfast.
"Dactyl sodomisation", screamed the AS newspaper, although a Marca columnist put a kinder slant on it all. "Alfaro is a qualified doctor (he is too) and never takes off his white coat. He is so dedicated he carries out a rectal examination in the middle of a match. That's a real urologist, always on call. You go up for a corner and suddenly he's checking your prostate. Not many doctors would do that." Indeed.
Some German
Cup humour
Nice to see German newspaper Bild Zeitung offering Bayern Munich some sympathy after they were knocked out of the German Cup by second-division Alemannia Aachen last week. "Bayern - Ha, Ha, Ha! The whole of Germany is laughing itself sick at you" read the headline next day. Sweet.
Even more quotes of the week
"David O'Leary thinks only of himself and doesn't care about anyone else. It's just him, him, him . . . the way he has treated me was worse than a dog."
- Mustapha Hadji, who has left Aston Villa for Espanyol, bids a fond adieu to Davo.
"I have two dogs of my own and I know how well they are treated. I wouldn't mind their lifestyle myself."
- O'Leary response to Hadji. And with that he drew a line under the whole business . . .
(. . . expect to add: "West Ham were the only club in the country to come in for him - maybe there was a reason for that." Ow).
"He wrote saying they wanted to meet with Shamrock Robers."
- Ray Treacy on the letter he received from a Japanese businessman who wants to bring a party of 11 to Ireland to trace Roy Keane's roots.
"I don't think we'll miss Rio as much as people think."
- John O'Shea, not noticing that his team has conceded five goals in the two league games they've played since Ferdinand's suspension.
"At the moment I'm reading Dostoyevsky's The Idiot."
- Adrian Mutu. Mutu should be told that when former Chelsea player Graeme Le Saux admitted he read the Guardian most football supporters assumed he was homosexual.
Red cheeks of the week
The man wearing a London Football Association tie was spotted at the funeral of a Roy Bentley in Hertfordshire last week. According to the London Independent, the tearful gentleman told fellow mourners that he had seen "Roy play on many occasions" and was surprised there were not more football people at the funeral. At which point he was informed that he was at the funeral of Roy Bentley, a former employee of the Sun, not Roy Bentley, the former Chelsea and Fulham striker - who's very much alive and well.
