Soccer news from around the world
Chants to learn English
Can anyone help us here? Was this an April Fool's yarn or did an English-language school in Albacete, Spain, called "Monkey", really, really provide the local team's supporters with a chant sheet so they could sing "abuse" at David Beckham in English when he visited with Real Madrid on Saturday?
"It's only a bit of fun and a way to promote our school - the chants are certainly not insulting," said a spokesperson for the school.
True enough - the first one on the list was: "If you keep playing that badly you'll be going back to United." And the second? Well, if this isn't a gag you have to have some sympathy for Albacete's hard-core hooligan element (Juan): "Though you're gonna lose, there is no one as gorgeous as you."
Saha goes out on a limb
Louis Saha to a French magazine (Wednesday): "Ruud (van Nistelrooy) lacks big-match experience . . . he needs to gain experience at the highest level. . . he never scores from outside the 18-yard area and never takes free-kicks . . . it is very rare to see him trying his luck from distance . . . he doesn't take much of a part in the team's collective play, his game is all about finishing."
Louis Saha to the world's press (Thursday): "I am not pleased the journalist turned the interview around and just said the bad things."
Louis Saha to himself (after speaking to the world's press and ahead of returning to Manchester for training): "Oh merde! Me and me mouth."
Sturrock to rescue
Like ourselves, Football 365 was distressed when Gordon Strachan left Southampton, his departure dealing a potentially devastating blow to our Quotes of the Week section - but Strachan's successor, Paul Sturrock, might just fill the void. Let's just say, his form is impressive:
"Although we are playing Russian roulette we are obviously playing Catch 22 at the moment and it's a difficult scenario to get my head round," and "I can't fault Mark Palios too highly."
Wey-hey, the future's looking bright.
Quotes of the week
"Wolves will be like lambs to the fodder tomorrow."
- BBC Radio Five pundit Dave Beasant comes off worst after a head-on collision with metaphors.
Patrick Vieira: "Won't you say hello, Roy? Oh come on, not even a smile?"
Roy Keane: "If we were 12 points ahead then I'd have something to smile about."
- Vieira reveals the pre-match tunnel chat between the pair before the league game at Highbury.
"As a footballer's wife, I take great exception to the way we are portrayed in Footballers' Wives. It isn't even half the truth - in real life the heels are higher, the lips plumper, the boobs bigger, the hair fancier, the jewels clunkier, the fingernails longer and the deals craftier."
- Birmingham City chief executive Karren Brady, and wife of Derby's Paul Peschisolido.
"They are a team of immigrants . . . where are the players like Veron now? Is he still alive? Where's Petit and where's that full-back from Holland. What's his name? Bogarde. Is he still making films?"
- Spurs' David Pleat on his admiration for Chelsea.
Mexican league in the pink
Fair play to Mexico for setting up a football league for gay players, but we were intrigued by the names of the five participating teams: The Clan, Fashion Team, The F***ers, G Strength and Your Mother.
Rumours that Jack Charlton has been offered a coaching position with one of the teams are so far from the truth they probably weren't worth mentioning.
Rooneys unbeatable at home
Planet Football was a little saddened last week not to receive an invite to the "do of the year", the bash thrown by Wayne Rooney for his girlfriend's 18th birthday, not least because the end-of-night entertainment sounded a lot more exciting than anything witnessed at Goodison Park this season.
The "do", you won't admit to having read, ended with the police being called to break up a brawl between the couple's families.
It was a pity because it had all started so well, the highlights being (a) the appearance of a birthday cake that featured a marzipan model of Wayne's girlfriend, Colleen, (b) Wayne's ma groping an unnamed Everton player she danced with (note: Duncan Ferguson was in attendance, word has it he finally met his match), and (c) according to The Sun, "Wayne's father got up and started singing Everton songs - he wanted Wayne to join him, but Wayne walked out in embarrassment."
Hard to blame him. Cripes, "Staying up, staying up, staying up" is hardly anything to boast about.
Jolly japes all round
Former Newcastle defender John Beresford treated Zoo Magazine last week to a few tales of the wacky, zany things footballers get up to. We were particularly fond of the story about his arrival at Barnsley when he was told the start-of-season civic reception held for the club by the town's Lord Mayor was a fancy-dress affair. So, naturally, he turned up in a clown's outfit, to discover, of course, it wasn't a fancy dress affair at all.
Better still was the madcap time Alan Shearer put horse dung down the grill of Beresford's car so that when the engine heated up, well, you know.
And then there was the time Beresford covered Lee Clark's BMW in flour.
"Instead of driving away and letting it all blow off, he decided to wash it - all the flour turned to dough and it was ruined."
Footballers, eh?
Truth the first casualty of April
The usual batch of April Fool's jokes did the rounds last week. Swansea City supporters, for example, were excited by "news" the club had signed Jurgen Klinsmann to partner Irish wannabe Lee Trundle up front; Yeovil fans were in a frenzy upon hearing that Eric Cantona would soon turn out for their team; and Everton fans rang the club to express outrage at the new strip unveiled on the official website, one that featured the red and yellow Liverbird of Liverpool.
Meanwhile, on the very same day, the Coventry Evening Telegraph felt the need to clear up confusion about the status of striker Dele Adebola, who scored three goals in 33 games for Coventry before being sent on loan to Burnley.
"Coventry City officials have broken strict footballing protocols by insisting that Dele Adebola is not an April Fool's joke. He is a bona fide footballer - any rumours that he is something else, and in particular a carefully crafted April Fool's joke, are just that - rumours." Poor lad.
More great quotes
"Would you buy a second-hand Saab off this man?"
- Ex-Chelsea chairman Ken Bates on his trust in Sven-Goran Eriksson.
"He is not worth half of what they have given us for him."
- Seville president Jose Maria del Nido, chuckling all the way to the bank, on the fee Arsenal paid for Jose Reyes.
"The Scottish players were very aggressive and they started talking scary to us."
- Romania's Vio Ganea after playing Scotland last week, not realising that's just their accents.
"He is like a kangaroo in a minefield."
- Valerenga director Kjetil Siem praises/insults Runar Normann, damned if we know.
"I don't respect them as players and I don't respect them as men. It will give us an extra incentive for the match on Saturday. You will see that if you watch me."
- Thierry Henry on Manchester United. Before, eh, Saturday.
"He started going crazy. He said to me '**** you, **** off. You are short, you have a small ****'. Then he spat in my hair."
- Hungary's Laszlo Bodnar on his fun brush with Wales's Robbie Savage.
