Those of you hunting tickets for France v Ireland in Paris next month might have paid a visit to www.stadefrance.fr.

Franglais, we're confused

Judging by the English language version of the site the French are anticipating a match of the inexcusable kind: "France v Republic of Ireland . . . Come and encourage your favourite team . . . Unforgivable time expected!".

Mascot Benny loses the head

It's the same the world over, it seems: you can't put something down for two minutes without it being swiped, even if it's a furry head with a big red tongue, antlers, black nose and goggle eyes.

"This is pretty serious for a mascot - you look pretty stupid without it," moaned Lez Dean last week. Lez, we should explain, is non-league AFC Telford's mascot, Benny the Buck, and lost his head after leaving it in the dressing-room at a charity match in Collingham. Benny, who has walked around Telford's ground for four years shouting "Wahey!" (followed by hysterical laughter), has contacted Nottinghamshire police, who are taking the theft very seriously. If, perchance, you spot the head on a member of an English stag party visiting Ireland any time soon contact PC Richard Wood at 00 44 1636 605999.

Woo there Sol, one at a time

Busiest footballer of the week? Sol Campbell.

Sunday Mirror: "Soccer star Sol Campbell is wooing another curly-haired businesswoman - and just like his ex she's an older woman . . . he has been enjoying romantic dates with Jennifer Tanner, 35, after splitting with interior designer Kelly Hoppen, 45."

Sunday People: "England soccer ace Sol Campbell has fallen for sexy singer Dido in an amazing love match. Our exclusive pictures show the Arsenal defender arriving at her home in his blacked-out Range Rover on Friday. A neighbour revealed: "He pulled up at 8.20 p.m. and had flowers. You could hear him say: 'Hey darling'."

You have to hand it to the lad, he has one hell of an engine.

Quotes of the week

"I don't want to be known as the man who shot Bambi."

- Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd on his sacking of Bobby Robson.

"I used the Olympics in my team talk. When I went to bed, Kelly Holmes turned me on - which is sad for me isn't it?"

- Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock.

"We are all behind him."

- David Beckham attempts to defend David James. Or was he suggesting his defence should stand behind him next time there's a shot on goal?

"Paulo Ferreira might have started the season in the team but it doesn't mean he's ahead of me."

- Chelsea's Glen Johnson. Will we tell him or will you?

"When Pires plays well it seems he can do everything. But when he doesn't, he is useless."

- French coach Raymond Domenech attempts to give the Arsenal man a boost ahead of next month's game.

"Very surprised. You know, taking over from Sir Bobby, I think the Newcastle supporters were looking for a really big name, someone to take the club forward."

- Andy Cole, when asked for his views on Graeme Souness getting the Newcastle job.

Sod all luck for Sodovik

Zviad Dzheladze was having a fine season for Russian second division side Sodovik, helping them to the top of the table after 26 matches. Promotion beckoned. Then the football association discovered he had a counterfeit Russian passport (he's Georgian) and so changed the results of the 23 games he played in to 3-0 defeats.

That, then, meant Sodovik were docked 57 points, leaving them bottom of the table on nine points, 17 short of safety. Word has it sales of Dzheladze replica shirts in the club shop have fallen a little.

Mutu pulls out the stops

It was a new excuse to us: you're driving like a maniac through the city centre and a policeman waves at you to stop, but you drive on, claiming you thought the policeman was a fan, trying to stop you for an autograph. Good one. That was Adrian Mutu's line of defence when he was up in court in Bucharest last week for this very offence.

"He shows no respect, he's very puerile and despite being 25 behaves as if he were much younger," said the doctor's report on the Chelsea striker. "He is not mentally sick but has serious maturity issues - he needs specialist help."

"In Romania, it seems everyone wants a piece of me and there are people like that doctor this week who believes I'm mad," the player replied. Well . . .

Some Savage

It was a lively old week for Robbie Savage who, for once, appeared to be the innocent party in an on-the-field spat, this time with Northern Ireland's Michael Hughes, one that earned him his first ever red card.

There we were very nearly feeling sorry for the fella until we read this in the Daily Telegraph: on his way to Baku for the game against Azerbaijan two weekends ago Savage spotted BBC Wales commentator Ian Gwyn Hughes reading Ten Days to D-Day. Savage asked Hughes for a loan of the book, Hughes kindly agreed, at which point Savage "promptly ripped out the last four pages before returning the book . . . and then proceeded to tear the detached pages into tiny little strips".

Why? God alone knows. A colleague of Hughes suggested he simply rename the book: Nine Days to D-Day"

P.S. You know the way Savage is always likened to an Afghan hound? Well, we believe these pictures prove he was born in a kennel in Kabul.

Nobby makes some scents

When we read in the Observer yesterday that Aston Villa's Peruvian international Nolberto Solano has just brought out a perfume called "Nobby" we checked the date, lest it be the first day of April. But it wasn't, and after looking up our favourite Peruvian sports website we discovered the news to be true. "Nobby smells nice and I hope many people buy it," said, eh, Nobby. "I hope my team-mates buy it - the dressing-room smell now is bad: Nobby is better."

Mali-coddling

Judging by tribalfootball.com's report on Claudio Ranieri's outburst at a Valencia training session last week ("It's important! You have a lot improve! You're short. Don't you know? Are you an idiot? If you fail, then everybody fails!") our quotes of the week hero is developing a steely streak. Although, he can still be an auld softy - Momo Sissoko, the 19-year-old Mali international, returned to Valencia four days late from duty with his country, explaining he had to play in a friendly against Kenya. Valencia accepted this, reported it on its website, only to discover there had been no such game. Did Ranieri sack him?

No. "You have to understand the lad," he said, "he's young and he made a mistake, he wasn't trying to be clever." Bless.