Away from home: Irish performance of the weekend? Well, Damien Duff might be the possessor of the niftiest left foot in Irish football but young Andy Reid is progressing nicely on that wing, thank you very much.
One of six Republic of Ireland players on view in the Nottingham Forest v Sunderland game on Saturday (seven, if you include Forest's sub goalkeeper Barry Roche). Reid created both Forest's goals and is beginning to look the part.
Transfer news? Alan Lee committed himself to Rotherham yesterday: "I've been aware of Cardiff's interest and because of the better wages they pay I have got to look to the future. I would be excited about a move to Ninian Park and it's the sort of progressive club I want to join."
Well, okay, he didn't: in fact, that has to go down as the mother-of-all "come and get me" pleas.
There's no getting away from it
Unluckiest footballer of the summer? No contest: Bohemians' Kevin Hunt. He booked himself and his wife a weekend in Prague in early July, with the intention of getting away from football for a few days and enjoying some peace and quiet. Grand. Except when he arrived at Dublin airport he spotted some green and white hooped shirts at his check-in desk . . . he was sharing his charter flight to Prague with the squad and supporters of Bohs' beloved pals, Shamrock Rovers, who were en route to the Intertoto Cup game against Slovan Liberec.
At least he'd get away from them in Prague? Well, no - he was in the same hotel as the supporters. At which point, word has it, Hunt did his very best Victor Meldrew impression: "I don't BEEEELIEVE it."
Quotes of the summer
"I didn't really understand what he was saying, to be honest." - Damien Duff on his first unfathomable chat with Claudio Ranieri.
"I'd sell my granny if the price was right, but we'd be talking ridiculous money." - Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd - cue a £37.8 million bid from Chelsea for Granny Shepherd.
"If I'm a little different to some people, then that's just the way it is. I serve God and nobody else. I glorify him." - New Manchester United goalkeeper Tim Howard, presumably talking about his devotion to Roy Keane.
"I would swim to Glasgow to speak with Martin O'Neill. I cried in my bed every night. When I was on holiday in Spain I slept with both my mobiles next to my pillow. I kept hoping they would ring." - Goalkeeper Javier Sanchez Broto - wouldn't you love to be sleeping with him?
"I want 22 players in my team." - Claudio Ranieri. Steady Claudio, money can't buy everything.
"I miss pie and mash and jellied eels." - David Beckham on what Madrid cannot offer him.
Partick go missing in action
One of our favourite summer yarns was about the day Partick Thistle manager, Gerry Collins, mislaid nine of his squad during a pre-season run on the outskirts of Glasgow.
Collins set his players the task of jogging 10 kilometres through a park, a mission completed in less than 40 minutes by most of the squad. Three and a half hours later, however, new signing David Wilson still hadn't turned up, which must have left Collins wondering if he'd bought a lad with a faulty engine.
What went wrong? A mischievous divil, yet to be identified, fiddled with the route signs laid out that morning by the Partick coach and nine players ended up taking a wrong turn, running in the wrong direction for three miles.
An exhausted Wilson eventually flagged down a police car which brought him home. We were particularly fond of the headline in The Sun, referring to Collins's take on the mishap: "I lost the dressing room."
Summer specials
"I'm expecting a much better string of results from Irish sides in Europe this season - and that's down to one thing: fitness and organization." - Noel King, as heard by Dangerhere on Today FM.
"I expect Chelsea to make a world-record signing in the near distant future." -Tony Cascarino.
"I can't put my hand on my head and say that it was never in doubt that I'd be at the club this season." - Ryan Giggs. Has the lad no heart?
Cyberspace drops Keane
Websites come, websites go, such is the fleeting nature of life in cyberspace, but when they go it's usually down to a lack of finances or the fact that the webmaster has acquired a life. Perhaps that's why the last news entry on www.damienduff.tk reads: "Liverpool legend John Aldridge reckons Damien Duff would be a brilliant capture for the Reds." Shall we tell them or will you?
We were, though, puzzled, by the reasons given for the demise of www.robbiekeanecentral.com: "Due to complications involving Robbie Keane in recent events and loss of interest of him, I have decided to shut down the site". Charming.
A gay old time for Amoruso
Lorenzo Amoruso, on his move from Rangers to Blackburn: "Everything went well, the only problem was in the medical when the doctor asked me: 'Are you a homosexual?' I told him he could look at my personal phone book and check it out for himself."
Amoruso very probably has Graeme Souness's number in his phone book - if the doctor rings the Blackburn boss and asks him the same question we suspect he'll be stitching himself back together for the next 12 months.
More quotes of the summer
"I've had problems with him, because he doesn't talk to me. Mind you, he doesn't talk to anybody. Queer lad." - Brian Clough on, well, Nigel Clough.
"You never know, in a few years I could be back as a Rovers player again - please God." - Damien Duff, settling in nicely at Chelsea.
"The English clubs are kind. They believe we are dwarfs. Fortunately, there was Joan of Arc because, this time, they take us for fools." - Lens chairman Gervais Martel, after turning down Manchester City's bid for Antoine Sibierski. Was something lost on the translation here?
"I will never complain about players missing penalties and have the utmost sympathy for them - but in JJ's case I think it was outrageous, it is obscene what he's done." - Never say never, Bobby Robson.
"Despite what people might think, I am not injury prone." - Freddie Kanoute, the day before getting injured in his first Spurs training session.
