Mary Hannigan's sideway's look at the world of soccer
Rooney drawing on his sketching talent
“PICASSO-ESQUE” was how graphologist Emma Bache described the self-portrait Wayne Rooney contributed to a book being auctioned for charity, one of 40 efforts by Premier League footballers and managers.
To be honest, it just looked a bit rubbish to us, but Bache insisted that it was interesting that Rooney had “used a blue pen for his eyes and a red pen for his mouth, the latter suggesting a sensuality.”
Okay.
She also noted that Steven Gerrard’s self-portrait had a “disproportionately” long neck (which hinted to us that he can’t draw), “it’s almost as if he wants to peer over a wall, he wants to see what’s going on all the time and he’s very much an observer and a larger than life character”.
She had nothing to say, though, about our favourite sketch, the one in green drawn by a left-footed Irish winger who plays for Fulham – that should narrow it down a bit. The likeness, frankly, is uncanny.
Number of the week 0
THAT would be the zero sympathy Joe Cole has for one of his team-mate’s other halves. Spotted on his website: “This is a message for Ashley. We are all with you . . . I know you would never say a bad word about Cheryl, but I and the team know how much you have been suffering and how lonely that house in Oxshott can be when your wife is as jet setting as she was. Whatever happens we are all behind you and just want you to recover . . . Chelsea, the club, the team and all the fans are all here for you.”
Brothers in arms. Beautiful.
A touch excessive from columnist Liddle
WHILE WEST Ham are blowing bubbles again after picking up four points from their last two games, Sunday Times columnist and Millwall fan Rod Liddle appears to be stopping just short of wishing the club – co-owned by “perpetually furious and gobby pornographer” David Sullivan – well in its battle against relegation.
Referring to their complaint about Fulham fielding a weakened team against West Ham’s relegation rivals Hull City, Liddle noted that “the world has not forgotten how they secured their Premier League survival in 2007, partly through a patently corrupt arrangement by which they acquired the services of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano” and partly through Manchester United playing a weakened side against West Ham in the final game of the season – which West Ham won.
All very true, although Liddle’s verdict on West Ham’s complaint was, perhaps, a touch on the immoderate side: “As an example of blind and purblind cheek, frankly, it ranks alongside Hitler sending the Jews the gas bill.”
Not quite quote of the week but still quite good . .
“I am not a gay, but if I was, or if I was a woman, which is similar, I would do David Beckham. But that’s just my individual opinion.”
– Peruvian striker Roberto Silva hoping for a friendly against LA Galaxy next season.
“He is playing kick-about with Jesus.”
– As the World Cup approaches Diego Maradona is finding Lionel Messi to be increasingly
divine.
“He is like a PlayStation player.”
– Arsene Wenger on Sol Campbell. No, no: the Messi fella.
“Well, he’s breathing, and he’s got a pulse.”
– Middlesbrough manager Gordon Strachan, who's a bit short of fit defenders this weather, on the
strengths of Irishman Jay O'Shea.
Chocolate Messi
IS Lionel Messi so good he’s almost, well, edible? He is now.
A pastry shop in the Catalonian city of Lleida is displaying a lifesize sculpture of Messi – made entirely of chocolate. Apparently, it’s 72 per cent heavier than the fella himself.
Don't believe everything you read
IT WAS only a fortnight ago we told you about the poor divil working for the London Metro who made the mistake of assuming everything on Wikipedia is accurate, reporting that Spurs’ new signing Sandro has a song about cow-milking dedicated to him. He doesn’t.
If it wasn’t for a nice man by the name of Greg we, in an attempt to deceive you into thinking we’d heard of Javier Hernandez before Manchester United signed him last week, would have quoted large chunks of his Wikipedia page, pretending we were intimately familiar with his Chivas de Guadalajara career to date.
We might even have quoted this bit too: “Although the fee is officially undisclosed, several media outlets have reported that the deal is worth around 50p and some magic beans”. We’d have left out the “quote”, though, from Alex Ferguson: “Typical Mexican – he gave me the s**ts!”
Thanks Greg, you saved us.
IF, for some reason, you were watching Dutch television’s live coverage of last week’s Barcelona v Arsenal game on the internet you might have been puzzled by the odd interjection from a rather cranky-sounding English chap. “Get up, you stupid little boy,” he hooted at one point when Theo Walcott fell over, before giving his verdict on the winger’s display: “You’ve been s***e, son, in your daft pink boots – absolute rubbish.”
Alas for Sky Sports’ Richard Keys, for it was he, his “commentary” was picked up by a microphone in the neighbouring studio, the highlight of his contribution the moment he turned to guests Graeme Souness and Ruud Gullit and asked: “Who farted?”
Quote of the week Alex Ferguson
“ “Eleven men . . . no problem . . . young boy, a bit inexperienced . . . they got him sent off, everyone sprinted towards the referee, typical Germans – you can’t dispute that.”
– Alex Ferguson after, eh, Franck Ribery (France), Mark van Bommel (Netherlands) and Ivica Olic (Croatia) sprinted towards the referee and got Rafael sent off.
