You said what? Part 1

"There could be fatalities - or, even worse, injuries."

- Phil Neal, previewing England's trip to Turkey.

"Today's been a good day for Wayne (Rooney), but he's understood that on another day it could've been a bad day."

- David Moyes

"If we had taken our chances we would have won - at least."

- David O'Leary

"Remember Danny Cadamarteri? He was the new Wayne Rooney before Rooney came along."

- Alan Smith

"On another night they could have won tonight."

- Graeme Souness

Miaow

"He has the audacity to have a plus sign between the one and nine on his shirt. I don't know what it means - it's probably the number of goals he's scored in the past five years."

- Danny Mills about Clinton Morrison

"You are talking about a man who spelt his name wrongly on his transfer request."

- West Brom manager Gary Megson, casting doubts on the credentials of his want-away striker Jason Roberts.

"Real Madrid have discovered this season what can happen when you have a celebrity player in your team."

- Alex Ferguson on you-know-who

"So Gary's going to be writing a book, is he? That's good news for insomniacs everywhere."

- Sheffield United's Neil Warnock on West Brom manager Gary Megson's forthcoming autobiography

"We are in year six of Gerard Houllier's five-year plan."

- Prospective Liverpool investor Steve Morgan.

Charming

"Sometimes it can be difficult to get a cross in to Alan Shearer. Alan can get a bit sick about that, but it's difficult, jumping, jumping and jumping, especially at his age."

- Nolberto Solano.

"It would be exciting to attach some electrodes to Ronaldo's head and see what he's thinking during the match because he has plenty of time, standing there doing nothing on his own, watching guys run all around him, sweating, breathing heavily. Maybe he's invaded by profound thoughts of rainbows and flying ponies, tigers, Donald Duck and cheeseburgers."

- Juanma Trueba, in the Spanish newspaper AS.

"I have spent nothing - and if you look at my squad it is probably worth nothing."

- Leicester manager Micky Adams.

"It's hard to get real rhythm away and you have to work hard to stand your corner, especially at places like Newcastle, where your support is outnumbered by 30,000 zebras."

- David Pleat.

Foot in mouth

"What about jokes about my long chin? I mean, n***er is black - so we have jokes where we call them n***ers because they're black. Why should that be any more of an offence than someone calling me chinny?"

- Jimmy Hill, attempting to defend his chin and Ron Atkinson.

"Louis Saha will be leaving this club over my dead body."

- Fulham manager Chris Coleman, shortly before Saha left for Manchester United.

"Without any room for doubt Real Madrid is the best team in the world and this season we will demonstrate it by winning every title possible."

- Luis Figo. How many trophies did he win this season? Divil a one.

"I've achieved nothing, I've won nothing, and that's why I am here."

- Harry Kewell explains why he joined Liverpool. Behave.

"Nobody's too good to go down - but Leeds won't go down: they've got too many good players."

- David O'Leary

Tributes

"He always wanted to get one up on you. If I told him I'd just got back from Tenerife, he'd say he'd just got back from Elevenerife."

- Former Chelsea player David Speedie on ex-chairman Ken Bates.

"I had conversations with him that left me bamboozled. He was saying things that I didn't understand. I was left gobsmacked half the time. I would just shake my head and think 'what?' I just used to sit there in disbelief."

- Harry Kewell on David O'Leary

"When he jumps in the water, the sharks jump out."

- Sheffield Wednesday chairman Dave Allen on Ken Bates

You said what? Part 2

"Ray Parlour will miss both legs due to injury."

- ITV suggest the Arsenal man has a career-threatening problem

"In the first half I felt exactly the same way as Micky (Adams) does now, only he feels worse."

- Wolves' Dave Jones

"I expect Chelsea to make a world-record signing in the near distant future."

- Tony Cascarino

"We owe it to ourselves first and foremost and, more importantly, to our fans."

- Kevin Keegan

"You can't just pick confidence out of a refrigerator."

- Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

Wit and wisdom: Bobby Robson

"I don't think Blackburn were unlucky, you make your own luck. They missed chances and luck is about taking your chances, but . . . at half time I said to the boys: 'we've been lucky here'."

"We had 10 times as many shots on target as Bolton and they had none at all."

"When I finally get him (Laurent Robert) right I will be 120 years of age."

"If we get a five per cent improvement from every player then that's 50 per cent from a team point of view."

Beckham's season -

The Spanish press

"Beyond the ad campaigns, the dyed hair, the changes of look, the premature autobiography and the famous singing wife, the Englishman is making it plain that he is also a quite fabulous football player . . . of course he's worth much more than he cost."

"Bad on the right, worse in the middle."

"David is a wonder of nature: he enjoys being generous, passing for others to score, and looks with admiration at the stands, seeking out the love that he needs, and that he gives himself. Beckham is a blessing from heaven."

"The chapter on disasters needs to make space for Beckham. First of all, he played and ran. Then he ran and played. Then he just ran. Now he neither runs nor plays."

Grumpy gaffers

"Our midfield has about one goal between them in the last year. Did you see David Prutton's effort at Everton last week? We needed air traffic clearance."

- Gordon Strachan (Coventry)

"My hands are tied behind me, I'm wearing a blindfold and people are trying to kick my feet from under me. There is always someone worse off than you, but I'd be interested to meet that person."

- Stuart Murdoch (Wimbledon)

"I can't sleep, I can't nod off, I can't go out for a beer with the lads like I used to, I think about the job all the time, I'm losing my hair and losing all my mates."

- Chris Coleman (Fulham)