As is habitually the case we are indebted to the ever-wonderful Dangerhere.com for spotting this stupendous snippet of football chat on TV3: Damien Richardson: "Glenn Crowe, John O'Flynn, Stephen Geoghegan are great strikers - none of these players is trepidacious in front of goal."

Away from home

You'd imagine, in light of the none-too-cheery events at Lansdowne Road on Wednesday, that it would be a bit of relief for the Irish players to return to club duty. So much for that. Where do we start? In goal - Shay Given . . . who conceded five goals for Newcastle in their trouncing by Blackburn.

At Elland Road Gary Kelly was an unused sub, still unable to oust Danny Mills from Leeds' right-back spot. Ian Harte played, though, but was part of a team that lost for the fifth time in 10 games, one that had to

listen to the supporters chanting for David O'Leary's reinstatement as manager. O'Leary for Leeds (again) -

or Ireland? Harte and Co must be feeling their paths are bound to cross soon.

Kenny Cunningham missed Birmingham's draw with West Brom while Gary Breen failed to make West Ham's starting line-up (he came on as a sub in the second half) against Sunderland, for whom Kevin Kilbane was, once again, part of a losing side.

Colin Healy didn't even make the bench for Celtic yesterday, Matt Holland captained Ipswich to yet another defeat (away to Reading), Damien Duff missed Blackburn's game due to the hamstring problem that resulted in him coming off early against Switzerland and Mark Kinsella - probably to his relief - had a football-free weekend (Aston Villa play Southampton tonight).

The only good news? Robbie Keane's two goals for Spurs against Bolton yesterday.

Word has it

Trevor Welch: "I like that word, Damien (turns to camera) - intrepidacious." As Ireland's foremost football website put it: "neither of these is a real word, according to Webster's dictionary". We've checked our pocket Oxford Concise, too, and, well, the closest we could get was "intravenous".

The mighty Glenn Crowe has been called many things in his time, but never, to our knowledge, an intravenous goal-poacher. We stand, though, to be corrected.

Quotes of the week

"(Richard) Dunnie is certainly a lot fitter now and I feel that he is a lot more hungry. I notice a big difference in him."

- Kevin Keegan. Four words: Unfortunate. Choice. Of. Phrase.

"The first half was like watching an American soap - there were a lot of breaks for adverts."

- Howard Wilkinson after Sunderland's defeat by West Ham. Nope, ne comprenez pas us either.

"It was extremely disappointing and there can't be any excuses . . . chances seemed to go into the goalkeeper's hands, freak goals went against us and the referee was a bit petty."

- Gary Neville makes no excuses (ish) for the slip-up against Macedonia.

"To get a top job at the FA, you obviously need to be a failure in management."

- Brian Clough pays tribute to England under-21 manager, David Platt.

From the horse's mouth

We're alleging nothing . . . but: Ananova revealed last week that two teachers at a private York school, coincidentally frequented by the daughter of Sunderland chairman Bob Murray were, well, two of the very few folk who waged money on Howard Wilkinson being chosen as Peter Reid's successor at the Premiership club.

After Wilkinson's appointment bookies William Hill told us that "it had seen a flurry of bets in its York shops on Wilkinson . . . with two gamblers raking in £6,600 after placing £100 bets on Wilkinson at 66 to 1.

The bets in York, compared with elsewhere in the country, were a mystery to Hill's, said a spokesman". When asked about the teachers' stroke

of, dum de dum, luck

Murray said: "In these circumstances I accept it is possible that my children could have overheard a conversation, or name, inadvertently and this is regrettable." To be blunt, the only regrettable part of the story, in our green-with-spittin'-envy eyes, is that the two teachers didn't put £1,000 on Wilkinson getting the job.

More quotes of the week

"I'm not thinking about what happened in the past. In life, you never know. A warrior could come and kick you in the street tomorrow."

- Sven-Goran Eriksson. Feelin' the pressure, and still not entirely au fait with the Inglish langwidge.

"I've got my reputation to think about - and if I'm going to lose it by playing for Portugal then I'd rather not get selected."

- Luis Figo, who'll have to don a false beard and dark sunglasses next time he visits Lisbon.

"They should have chucked the book at him and banned him for life for what he did. To go out and try to maim someone is a disgrace, especially as it could put someone's career on the line."

- Former West Ham defender Julian Dicks, on the punishment handed

out by the FA to Roy Keane. All together now: pot, kettle, black.

"I am sure we will get about six to eight goals against them. They are one of the weakest teams in the world."

- Karl-Heinz Rummenigge forecasting the scoreline in the Germany v Faroe Islands game. Result? 2-1.

Passtafit yabazza

Hardly a century goes by without us dropping into the website of the Blackpool and Fylde Sunday Football Alliance. Under their "A Few Scottish Terms Explained" section they enlighten us on the phrase "Passtafit yabazza" ("Next time, please try passing the ball to my feet, not 20 yards over my head") and "Anmahid ya numptie" ("Really, you should have crossed the ball so I could have headed it" - note: these are the well-mannered, censored translations).

So, when it was announced last week that Everton manager David Moyes was facing an FA fine for exclaiming, in a none-too-tranquil manner, in the direction of the referee in their recent game against Southampton, "is there any chance of you giving us a decision, you ****ing numptie", we were well qualified to inform our public that he wasn't inquiring after the health of the referee's family. He was, in fact, alleging that the referee was a ****ing ****ing ****er ****ing intellectually impaired numbskull. We await Moyes' punishment with interest.