True, we weren't paying close enough attention, so we weren't entirely sure that we heard what we thought we had heard. Nathan and Cathal, who e-mailed us in midweek, were in the same position - it took Football 365 to confirm all three of us weren't raving.
Away from home
"From Babb To Worse For Wilko", read the heartless headline in the Daily Mirror on Tuesday morning following Kevin Kilbane and Phil Babb's startling "I'm a defender - get me out of here" one-two that resulted in Bolton being gifted a late equaliser in Monday's table-bottoming clash at the Reebok.
Babb has now scored twice this season (own goals against Russia and Bolton) and yesterday's draw against Charlton will probably have done nothing to diminish his regrets about leaving Lisbon during the summer.
River Valley Rangers and Sunderland old boy Brendan Magill has scored twice as well this season - both, mercifully, in the opposition net.
His second came against Oxford on Saturday, enough to give Carlisle United only their second league win in 14 games.
Rotherham's Alan Lee remains the top Irish scorer in Britain this season - he scored his 10th against Wimbledon last week - but David Connolly's hat-trick against Norwich on Saturday gives him a record of five goals in five games since his return from a knee injury.
Talking Tosh
TV3's coverage of Newcastle United v Dynamo Kiev? Kiev's Moroccan midfielder Badr El Kaddouri wasn't having the best of games. Cue John Toshack: "There aren't too many coloured players in Russia, and, on this lad's showing, there won't be many more."
Two words: Oh. Looordy. (And, as 365 pointed out, Kiev is in the Ukraine, not Russia. Utter Tosh?).
Chants of the week
"Are you Scotland in disguise?"
- Blackburn Rovers' supporters while their team was dominating Celtic in Thursday's UEFA Cup game.
"Are you England in disguise?"
- Celtic supporters after Henrik Larsson scored against Blackburn in the same game.
Band of 'god'
"We have been celebrating Christmas on October 30th since 1999. We believe he is football's god, so, for us, this is the 42 AD," explained Hernan Amez, Hector Campomar and Alejandro Veron, founders of the "first Maradonian church". And, em, what does AD stand for? "After Diego", of course.
The church, established in the Argentinian town of Rosario, now has 100 members who call themselves "Diegorian Brothers" and use Maradona's autobiography, I Am Diego, as their bible. They also abide by the Ten Commandments - number one: "You will be only a fan of Maradona, not any football club in particular."
Two? How about: "It's not the same way we all go"?
Quotes of the week
"I don't think Roy Keane is appealing."
- After years of undying loyalty Alex Ferguson finally turns on his captain.
"We could see the damage he very nearly potentially achieved."
- Sky Sports' co-commentator Brian Marwood on Jamie Redknapp's free-kick yesterday, which very nearly potentially gave Spurs the lead against Chelsea. But didn't.
"The atmosphere here is thick and fast."
- Sky Sports' incomparable commentator Chris Kamara.
"Ian Pearce has limped off with what looks like a shoulder injury."
- Sky Sports' commentator Tony Cottee, attempting to steal Kamara's crown.
Question: "If you could change places with anybody for 24 hours, who would it be and why?"
Answer: "Just for 24 hours? It would have to be Angus Deayton. Imagine that kind of life . . . and being able to go back to being me."
- Gary Lineker, still dreaming of being a bad boy (the Sunday People).
"Steven Gerrard is important to them (Liverpool) because of his range of pass and his manliness."
- David Pleat. Whatever takes your fancy.
"The problem was not that I was drinking excessively, but that I was drinking at the wrong times."
- Manchester City's Richard Dunne. O . . .kay.
Phil in at the back?
You will, we're sure, have heard about last week's league game in Madagascar where Stade Olympique l'Emyrne scored 149 own goals in protest at an allegedly dodgy refereeing decision in the match against new champions AS Adema.
L'Emyrne's coach Ratsimandresy Ratsarazaka lost the plot when he objected to a decision by the ref and instructed his players to sabotage the fixture by repeatedly thumping the ball in to their own net after each kick-off (all 148 of them).
Radio Madagascar has claimed the result as a world record but the Guinness Book of Records has regretfully informed them that they don't keep records for club games, only internationals.
Those of you who have suggested that l'Emyrne should consider signing Phil Babb when the transfer window re-opens should be ashamed.
More quotes of the week
"Not sure what Hoddle is doing there - sticking his backside out and waving his arms about. Just like Christmas time when Dad's had too much sherry."
- Dangerhere.com note yet another Tom Tyrell (Today FM's Premiership commentator) pearl.
"I'm sure Bobby (Robson) won't want them to be losing the match before winning it".
- Ron Atkinson. And this man once managed Manchester United. Jeez.
"Errol says David's got lovely hair - it glows."
- Kelly Marks, publicist for hairdresser supreme Errol Douglas, after Errol trimmed five inches off David Seaman's locks.
Reporter: "Who impressed you most in the Celtic team?"
Garry Flitcroft (Blackburn captain): "None of them."
"We played a 4-4-3 formation, which we have played before and never failed to win with it."
- Millwall manager Mark McGhee explaining why his team never fails to win while opting . . to play 12 men against 11 (Football 365).
"It's gone to the last match. Obviously Kiev have a chance, but if Juventus play their best team and play to win and do win, then we have a big chance. But I can't predict results - if I could, I would be a rich man, not a football manager."
- Bobby 'run that by us again' Robson.
Darius and his vessel
Which one of us hasn't attempted a spot of unsuccessful DIY on our ingrown toe-nails, eh? Little wonder, then, that we had sympathy for Aston Villa striker Darius Vassell when his home repairs went horribly wrong last week, forcing him to miss Villa's game against Blackburn yesterday.
According to the Sun Vassell attempted to "drill a hole in his big toe - in a bid to burst a blood blister under the nail". Lovely. It all, unfortunately, went horribly wrong and Vassell ended up needing to have half of the nail removed.
"Darius tried to get the blood out himself, which he now realises was not really advisable," said Villa supremo Graham Taylor, who has enough trouble without his star man Black and Deckering his feet.
Who rates all the pies?
The official attendance for Wimbledon's game against Rotherham last Tuesday was a miserable 849 but, according to the Sunday Times, it was actually even lower. The Wimbledon Independent Supporters' Association (WISA), which has organised a boycott of matches because of the club's proposed move to Milton Keynes, claims that the attendance amounted to no more than 493 (227 of them Rotherham fans).
"We've suspected that the gate figures have been inflated all season. They must have added on the stewards, the police, reporters and the catering staff selling the 12 pies they had on sale, and they probably added the pies and the half-time oranges to the gate as well," said WISA vice-chairman Lee Willett. And this is the bunch some folk wanted to move to Dublin?
