by MARY HANNIGAN
Quotes of the week
"Listen. This is a special approach in the Anglo-Saxon countries. If this had happened in, let's say, Latin countries then I think he would have been applauded."
– Fifa president Sepp Blatter suggesting if John Terry was, let’s say, Spanish, Italian or Brazilian his nocturnal activities would have made him a national hero.
“He’ll go bald, lose his teeth and legs, but he’ll always have that technique and touch of a top player.”
– Birmingham manager Alex McLeish tells 36-year-old Kevin Phillips he has lots to look forward to.
“I don’t even need to shout in Italian when I get angry with my players now. I just tell them to ‘**** off’.”
– Manager Carlo Ancelotti on breaking down the language barrier in the Chelsea dressingroom .
“We’re already suffering from the football . . . Thierry Henry scoring a goal with his hand and eliminating us from the World Cup finals. And if something like this happened it would be catastrophe altogether.”
– Olympic Council of Ireland president Patrick Hickey on the legal challenge to the Irish women’s bobsleigh team’s place in the Winter Olympics. As we suspected, the sporting world is out to get us.
Kasabian fail to fire Paris crowd with launch of England away shirt
SO, IF it was up to you to decide where the new England away shirt should be launched where would you choose? Paris? No, us neither. But Umbro know how to do these things, so we’ll trust them that it was a smart move having popsters Kasabian unveil the shirt onstage during a concert in Paris last week.
The Guardian’s Marina Hyde was a bit puzzled by the choice of location too, so she checked out Umbro’s thinking behind the decision. “For the new England away shirt,” they explained, “we wanted to look at re-imagining the concept of the Englishman abroad. We wanted to shine a light on modern Englishness and its cultural impact across the globe. And we did it with the greatest cultural export from these isles – music.”
Okay. And their vision of the launch? “On a wintry February night, Kasabian walk out to commence their encore. The first bars of Fire ring out and the hall erupts – singer Tom stands proud in the shirt and a few thousand Frenchmen jammed into the beautiful Paris Olympia, hot and screaming for more, see England Away. The chorus comes around, the masses rise from the floor and in broken English the words ring out across the crowd, ‘I’m on Fire?!’” So, is that how it worked out? Hmm. The shirt was greeted, reported the Guardian, with “a crescendo of boos”.
Quelle surprise.
More quotes of the week
“Wayne Rooney is in a magical moment. I told Sir Alex, ‘Please rest him sometimes – he plays every game. I need him more fresh to play in the World Cup’.”
– Fabio Capello on his chat with Alex Ferguson. We assume Ferguson needed his sides restitched.
“I asked the wife for a twin-engine helicopter or the socks that no one ever thinks to buy me for my birthday.”
– Mick McCarthy ahead of his 51st birthday. Alas, he arrived at Wolves’ next game in new socks.
“Anelka has told me he wants to stay. He’s happy with me. He’s happy to work with me, and I’m very happy to work with him. That’s a wedding, no? We don’t want to break up.”
– Carlo Ancelotti, all set to renew his vows with Nicolas.
“I remember the games where we have taken the lead and not finished the job off. It happens every night, about three o’clock in the morning.”
– Roy Keane on the sleepless joys of managing Ipswich Town.
“It’ll be Armageddon if we go down. It’ll be worse than what’s gone on at Newcastle.”
– West Ham co-owner David Sullivan on the club’s financial future if they’re relegated.
“I didn’t see the goal because I was in a room under the stands with the doctors and while we were looking for the TV remote Diaby scored.”
– Andrey Arshavin on missing Arsenal’s winner against Liverpool.
Help at hand for United supporter
MANCHESTER UNITED supporter Adam Teese pleaded not guilty in court last week to a charge of throwing a missile (a coin, in this instance) at Craig Bellamy during last month’s league Cup semi-final at Old Trafford. The case was adjourned until May, when he will be tried.
Should the 26-year-old be found guilty we’re wondering if the judge might conclude that he’s been punished enough. Granted, we assumed there was a bit of exaggeration in reports on what’s been arriving at his front door since his address was published and spotted by City fans . . . eg An endless supply of pizzas, skips, taxis and JCBs, a Daffy Duck bouncy castle, rat exterminators, a statue of Winston Churchill and a Pink Cadillac driven by a chauffeur dressed as Elvis – and that’s only a fraction of it.
But then we happened upon the Facebook page – “Adam Teese Needs Your Help” – that appears to be organising the, eh, deliveries. “Can you Help Adam? He apparently requires the following services: Taxis, takeaways, JCBs, escorts, builders, plumbers, electricians, in fact . . . any business service in Manchester.”
Some of the comments: “Pizzas have sold out within a 20-mile radius of Adam’s council house. Taxis currently a four-hour wait . . . road full of skips and JCBs . . . Guinness Record for The Biggest Taxi Rank has been set four times tonight outside Adam’s house . . . if you want a 48 seater coach/20 seater stretch hummer/a crane/skip or concrete mixer you will have to wait ’til Monday . . . six foot Winston Churchill statue now guarding Adam’s House . . . he must have lots of friends if he needs that many Bouncy Castles.”
Laugh or cry? Both, probably.
