A round-up of other soccer stories in brief...
Liverpool phone top of the league
WE’VE SEEN some snazzy football merchandise in our time but Liverpool have truly out-glistened their rivals with a limited edition mobile phone.
There are just 250 of these golden dazzlers up for grabs, complete with 18 diamonds to mark each of the club’s league titles (the last one, in 1990, when mobile phones were the size of fridge freezers).
The phone comes in a North African black walnut presentation box – lined with red velvet, of course – and you also get a 22-carat gold-plated commemorative medallion featuring an image of Anfield.
The price? Well, when you convert to Euro it’s €16,062.52, although you’d like to think they’d drop the 52 cent.
The Daily Mail’s verdict on this gem?
“It’s definitely a phone you’ll never want to walk alone with in some of the city’s less opulent areas.”
Oooh, nice.
Quotes of the week
“Berbatov has been an absolute disaster. If it was up to me, I’d have dumped him months ago. The guy could get injured on A Question of Sport.”
– Former Manchester United manager Tommy Docherty expressing some reservations about Dimitar's impact since joining the club.
“Clubs need to wake up from their coma and join me in this fight with the Premier League and the FA. They can come and have lunch with me at Harrods, where I can serve them stags’ testicles from my Scottish estate, Balnagown. We all need big balls in this business.”
– Fulham owner Mohamed Al Fayed. Any chance of a ham sandwich instead?
“At six o’clock on Saturday morning I was varnishing the garage. What a horse of a man I am. Now I can book my holidays.”
– Wolves manager Mick McCarthy on his promotion-winning celebrations. Party animal.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas Day or Mother’s Day, we hand out gifts. Now it’s Easter, we gave away a huge egg after 30 seconds.”
– Hearts manager Csaba Laszlo on the gift that keeps on giving: his defence.
“I think David Moyes is the greatest manager in the world bar none and he’s my best friend in football and I’d do anything for him.”
– Everton chairman Bill Kenwright. It’s a love thing.
“I have always said we might see the return of Zaki to his best when the sun shines and the daffodils come out.”
– Steve Bruce on his Egyptian striker Amr Zaki, who’s been a right tulip in recent weeks.
“He is a dinosaur. He has been buried.”
– Alex Ferguson on former Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon.
“He must have had some tremendous problems in his life as he seems to be a tormented man.”
– Calderon on Alex Ferguson. Boys? Enough.
“To be clear, a team like Tottenham could interest me. But not Sunderland.”
– Bordeaux forward Marouane Chamakh clarifies his position.
Careless Pantsil puts his foot in it
ALL BONUSES paid to players in the Premier League must be written in to their contracts, otherwise they are what one might term ‘illegal’. So, over to you John Pantsil. “Ronaldo couldn’t score, we won the match and my coach gave me £10,000 for a good job done,” said the Fulham man after successfully marking the Portuguese lad in the recent victory over Manchester United.
Cue sharp intakes of breath at the London club. “It is rubbish to suggest any of our players were given £10,000 for beating United,” Fulham spokeswoman Sarah Brookes told the Guardian, “none of them received any extra money.”
So, what are we to believe? Fulham have been naughty, or it’s a case of liar, liar your Pantsil’s on fire?
Merson's gems
IF THERE were any regular readers of Planet Soccer they’d know by now that we have a soft spot for Paul Merson and his contributions to the art of punditry on Sky Sports. Paul is in sparkling form this weather, sharing his expertise with Sky Sports viewers last week, telling them that “the bad teams are at the bottom of the league”. Our favourite nugget, though, was his tribute to Newcastle’s Mark Viduka. “I’d play him all day long, even if it’s only for 45 minutes.” Legend.
More quotes of the week
“Tony Cascarino is a man I certainly do not respect, for a lot of reasons, and if I told you, you would be shocked. So the day I worry about Tony Cascarino will be a very sad day of my life. It is a very long story.”
– Roy Keane, you might have noticed, is back.
“Roy Keane’s got ‘shocking’ information about me? I’d like to know what that is. Tell the world, Roy. I’ve got nothing to hide. But I know plenty about you that would shock quite a few people. If Roy’s trying to intimidate me, it won’t work. You can’t bully me, Roy – Keane versus Cascarino is a fight that will go the distance.”
– Cascarino responds. This one could run and run.
“If I could play one game again it would not be Milan-Liverpool in Istanbul. We played there for 120 minutes like Gods and for six like idiots. No, I’d love to replay the 2002 game against South Korea.”
– If long-serving AC Milan veteran Paolo Maldini had his time over . . .
