By MARY HANNIGAN

French coach has an admirer

SPEAKING of Raymond Domenech. He's not, as you know, widely loved in France, a fact that prompted a singer by the name of Catherine Ringer to pen a love song in his honour a while back. It goes by the name of "Je Kiffe Raymond", "kiffe", allegedly, meaning "fancy".

“If he attacked my penalty areas, I would be without defenders,” sings the former actress who featured in several movies made for, well, the more mature market, if you know what we mean.

“I love Raymond! What a looker! At his command, I leap into action,” it continues, although, surprisingly, it doesn’t include the line “Raymond, il est George Clooney bis”.

It’s not too late, apparently, to download the tune from Catherine’s website.

Quotes of the week

“For me, driving in London is harder than managing Chelsea. I find it hard to control the left side of the car . . . in Italy when I want to look in the mirror I glance to the right – but when I try that here the mirror is not there. It’s on the left side. It is hard for me.”

– Would someone tell Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti to take the Tube, for everyone else’s sake?

“Since I became a manager, my relationship with him is much better – it had to be because I never had one before.”

– Manchester City manager Mark Hughes on his new best friend, Alex Ferguson.

“It’s a purely personal decision for him, but I hope his ambitions lie with England. With all due respect to the Republic of Ireland he is from Sheffield which is right in the middle of England the last time I looked.”

– Bolton manager Gary Megson, map in hand, suggesting Gary Cahill should resist becoming a boy in green.

“I pray all the time. But, obviously, the man upstairs is busy at the moment.”

– Roy Keane on discovering that God might not be on Ipswich’s side.

“Listen, Jesus Christ, I don’t mean 24 hours a day! I’m an Irish Catholic, yes. I go to mass, yes. I go to church, my kids go to church, but let’s not make a big deal of it.”

– Keane again, this time explaining to Ipswich reporters that just because he prays doesn’t mean he’s Padre Pio.

“It’s disgraceful that a manager of an international side could come out with such drivel and nonsense . . . . Trapattoni is outrageous in what he said and he should have kept his big mouth shut.”

– Blackburn Rovers manager Sam Allardyce not best pleased with Republic of Ireland manager Giovanni Trapattoni over his comments on Steven Reid’s injury problems.

“No – and after what has been said I wouldn’t want to. They will probably sit on the fence and say it is a misunderstanding, knowing them.”

– Allardyce again, on being asked if he’d ever spoken to Trapattoni. We’re feeling no love here.

Domenech lost in translation

IF Raymond Domenech had called the Republic of Ireland team ball-hoofing Neanderthals last week there’d probably have been less offence taken, the consensus appearing to be that “a sort of England B-team” was an insult too far. But did he actually say that? Having no more French than “Où est Tower of Eiffel, merci?” we were in no position to accurately translate “L’Irlande, c’est l’Angleterre bis”, his actual comment.

So, we’ll trust Simon, a French chap we founding commenting on “England B-team-gate” on thespoiler.co.uk: “As much as I really dislike Domenech and think he is a clown who has never managed to win a single trophy despite having all the great generation when he was managing France under-21, what he said wasn’t ‘B side’ but ‘bis’ – which means ‘equivalent’. So that wasn’t patronising, just very, very clumsy. But we all know he’s an ass anyway.”

“Ah, merci Simon,” Raymond would probably say. Well, maybe not. But it would indeed appear the French manager’s comment was lost in translation, his intention, apparently, to note because most of Giovanni Trapattoni’s men play in the English Premier League there’s not a heap of difference between the Republic of Ireland and the already-qualified England team.

More quotes of the week

“My secret is adapting to the country I am in. Here I eat roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.”

– Arsene Wenger explaining why life in England has gone so smoothly.

“If we’d ended up out of the World Cup I’d have had to go and live in Haiti . . . the first man to be shot would have been Diego Armando Maradona.”

– Well, Diego Armando Maradona.

“I think the run of results has disappointed everybody. Certainly it disappoints the fans and it disappoints Rafa . . . I know he is disappointed, but we are all disappointed and we are all in it together.”

– A disappointed Liverpool co-owner George Gillett . . . before yesterday’s 2-0 victory over Manchester Utd at Anfield.

Barking orders

WHEN it rains it pours: “We received a complaint about barking dogs and have sent the complainant a letter and a noise complaint record form for them to fill in.”

So said a Suffolk Coastal District Council official, confirming that a neighbour has complained about the incessant barking coming from Roy Keane’s house. Triggs (the Labrador) and Izac (the German Shepherd) are being blamed, but the way Ipswich are going this weather it could well be Roy kicking up a racket.