Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

Alex blots copybook with Beeb 

Any sign of Alex Ferguson ending his feud with the BBC and agreeing to do post-match interviews on Match of the Day?

Well . . . when asked last week about Wayne Rooney's goal-scoring streak he said: "I have watched Gary Lineker never kick a ball in a game and still end up with two goals.

"But players like Wayne cannot accept that and feel like they have to play well."

We'll take that as a no, then from the united boss.

Manager Jol aims barbs at Spurs but finds mark at Sunderland

You would hardly begrudge Martin Jol, now manager of Hamburger SV, the right to have a giggle or three at Spurs' current woes, considering he was dumped by the club last year.

He has, though, on the whole, refrained from chortling too loudly, and last week he wished Tottenham and their supporters well.

However - and it's a big however - while pointing out his successor Juande Ramos has "star players" like Jonathan Woodgate and Gareth Bale at his disposal, Jol reminded the world, "I had to play with Chimbonda at left-back, Tainio at right-back and Kaboul."

A warm tribute, that, to Pascal, Teemu and Younes, all of whom have since left the club.

And two of them, worryingly enough, were snapped up by Sunderland.

Treble humiliation as United  'fan' Adam puts foot in mouth

We sincerely hope for his sake that Adam Ralph, a journalist with Nuts magazine, wasn't reading Football 365 last week, because they revealed to the world a moment in Adam's life that he would very probably like to forget.

As part of a Nike promotional thingie Adam visited Old Trafford, where the press got to ask some Manchester United legends a question or two.

Adam being a "lifelong" United supporter", according to Football 365, this was a special thrill for him, and so he put up a hand to ask Denis Irwin the following.

"Denis, do you remember where you were when United won the Treble in Barcelona in 1999?"

Irwin: "Oh yes, son. I was playing left back."

Morto.

Quotes of the week

He is built like a wardrobe. - Giovanni Trapattoni, eh, pays tribute to Richard Dunne.

I just want a solid team with a good balance that plays international football - like this table, with its legs, you have to be solid. - Trapattoni again, warming to his furniture theme.

There is a philosopher who says if you are too coherent, you run the risk of being an imbecile, but I can't keep changing. - Trapattoni once more - we'll soon need a supplement for this fella's quotes.

The most important space on a football field is the one between the players' ears. - the Watford manager Aidy Boothroyd. What does he mean by "space" exactly?

They are conceding more goals than you would expect them to and they are letting them in at the other end. - Ray Clemence spots where Spurs have been slipping up.

I think I have something special that no one else has. I know Ronaldo is fast - but I am still a different player and I can be in some ways better than him. When the supporters come to our stadium, I think they see something special in me. - West Brom's Roman Bednar, evidently battling self-esteem issues.

It's what you dream about. Every night going to bed, you want to get a hat-trick tomorrow. - St Patrick's Athletic's Ryan Guy after scoring the first hat-trick of his career against Shamrock Rovers on Saturday. Nothing to dream about now.

We are going to get out of this or I'm going to kill the players, coaching staff and anyone else. - Horacio Usandizaga, president of the Argentinian side Rosario Central, providing a bit of an incentive for his team to avoid relegation.

I have seen the match on video and I believe I should not have been sent off. If I'd punched him, I would have understood. Now I wish I had. - Didier Drogba, adopting the Roy Keane "You might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb" approach to these things, regretting he neglected to deck Nemanja Vidic in the Champions League final.

We scored three today and 99 times out of 10 that means a win. - Brighton assistant manager Dean White, as quoted by Private Eye, after the 3-3 draw with Cheltenham.

I don't do that; I'm waiting for them to come and ask me for mine. - West Brom's Roman Bednar when asked if he would look for the shirt of one of Manchester United's stars after Saturday's game at Old Trafford.

Flo footwork finally finds favour

Last week, you won't remember, we had a rather peculiar "where are they now?" snippet about the former Dutch striker Patrick Kluivert, who was partly occupying his time recently by doing voice-overs for the Dutch version of the animated film Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa.

This week?

Whatever happened to Tore Andre Flo, the Norwegian striker who had spells with Chelsea, Rangers, Sunderland and Leeds, among others?

Well, by all accounts, he's the favourite to win the Norwegian version of Strictly Come Dancing because, he revealed, "the judges say I have great feet."

"I can think of at least 50,000 Rangers fans who may disagree," was the unkind response of Tam Cowan, a columnist with the Scottish Daily Record.