Away from home Remember the days when the English FA Cup semi-finals used to be chock-a-block with players boasting roots of an Irish persuasion? Well, this year Brian Kerr won't have much need to closely monitor happenings on April 13th, with Sheffield United goalkeeper Paddy Kenny the only (likely) definite Irish starter in the semi-finals - unless club-mate Colin Cryan (a former Republic of Ireland schoolboy captain and an unused sub in yesterday's quarter-final win over Leeds) makes the starting line-up and Rory Delap returns from injury to win his place back in the Southampton side.
Wolves' defeat by Southampton was an unwelcome blow for Irish FA Cup hopes, signalling the exit of Paul Butler (own goal scorer), Mark Kennedy, Keith Andrews and young Denis Irwin from the competition - all starters in yesterday's game. And out with Leeds went Ian Harte (who played yesterday), Gary Kelly and Stephen McPhail (who didn't).
Thanks, though, to Carlisle's advancement to the LDV Vans Cup final against Bristol City on April 6th the Republic of Ireland will have abundant representation in a final at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium, in the shape of Peter Murphy, Richie Foran, Brendan McGill and Will McDonagh (selection willing). Des Byrne and Brian Shelley, though, are unlikely to be there, having had their contract terminated/been transfer-listed by Roddy Collins.
Smug on the Tyne
"What's it like to see the sun?" Newcastle fans oft chant in the direction of visiting Middlesbrough supporters, who they've labelled "Smoggies", as denizens of a city where the air quality is heavily influenced by the resident petro-chemical industry.
"Enough," cried Middlesbrough FC last week, according to Ananova, who banned Newcastle fans from wearing gas masks, dust masks and white chemical suits to the derby at the Riverside Stadium. "These suits can incite crowd trouble," insisted Middlesbrough spokesman Dave Allen, "given the world situation we feel they are particularly inappropriate." Cleveland police supported the ban, but conceded that, to their knowledge, wearing such suits or masks is not an arrestable offence. "I think all this must have touched a bit of a raw nerve," said Mark Jensen, editor of Newcastle United fanzine The Mag. He was, we suspect, very probably right.
The crying game
The Daily Telegraph's rather excellent Football Diary cast an eye over the new edition of the FourFourTwo magazine last week, in which a clutch of old pros was asked if they ever cried in front of fellow professionals. Liverpool's Tommy Smith confessed to breaking down and "throwing up everywhere" after the 1971 FA Cup final defeat to Arsenal, but our very own Ray Houghton insisted he was a lot more manly. "I'm not the type, as I don't let football get to me," he said. But? "But put me in front of Lassie and I'm off." Softie.
Quotes of the week
"Barring a personality transplant, his only job at Old Trafford will be as a player." - George Best, suggesting Roy Keane hasn't quite got what it takes to become manager of Manchester United.
"I think I'm a clean person - if I'm going to spit on someone, I'll spit right in their face." - Rangers' Lorenzo Amoruso - well, that' s okay then (Football 365).
"It's a dreadful town, a **** city. I try to avoid visiting the central parts of Liverpool." - Everton's Tobias Linderoth, loving life on Merseyside.
"Tore has ended up in a dead-end street." - Norway's assistant boss Harald Aabrekk, complimenting Tore Andre Flo on his move from Rangers to Sunderland.
"Repka has hardly been on the pitch as many times as he's played." - Talksport Radio co-commentator Alvin Martin, as heard by a Private Eye reader - who's none the wiser than ourselves.
"Our goalkeeper didn't have a save to make in 90 minutes - and yet he still ended up conceding four goals." - Ipswich manager Joe Royle, as heard by another Private Eye reader - who's none, etc.
DNA ken Maradona?
You very probably read last week's curious story about Diego Armando Maradona Junior's "imminent" loan move from Napoli to Scottish first division club Clyde, a yarn that was swiftly denied by the Italians. Indeed, there was even talk of young Diego joining Dunfermline, prompting Jimmy Calderwood to sniff: "You have got to ask 'why Scotland?' and, with all due respect, 'why Dunfermline?'"(Jimmy is Dunfermline manager). Clyde boss Alan Kernaghan was a bit bemused too, but not uninterested in the move because, as he said, "he's bound to have some of his dad's genes".
Funny he should say that. Diego senior, who has never even met junior, always disputed that he shared any genes with the young fella, alleging that his "fling" with the lad's mother, Christina Sinagra, was a figment of her imagination. Kernaghan, though, can be assured that junior does, indeed, have some of his Da's genes - DNA tests proved as much 10 years ago. Although - and we don't mean to question this highly regarded branch of science - word has it that junior couldn't hit a barn door with his left foot. Hmm.
More quotes of the week
"You are a ****ing disgrace to football and when you come out of hiding you will be killed. Get out of Birmingham you cheat. You must look over your shoulder from now on, you cheating Welsh *******."
- Message left on Robbie Savage's website after last week's Aston Villa v Birmingham City game. Nice.
"As an advertisement, our match with Villa, on and off the pitch, was about as attractive as a motorway pile-up." - Birmingham City managing director, Karren Brady. And that's a kind description.
"As I survey the challenge facing a seriously ambitious club in the modern era, I recognise that success cannot be measured in silverware alone." - Alex Ferguson, insisting that second in the league and runners-up in the League Cup is plenty for a seriously ambitious club. Riiight.
"I don't know if there is a secret formula to beating Arsenal, but in my mind I know what we have to do: we have to not only get hold of them by the throat, but we then have to kill them." - Chelsea's Mario Melchiot ahead of Saturday's FA Cup quarter-final. Calm down Mario, calm down.
"I want to keep the feeling in my feet. It sort of disappears if you have sex before a match. I've tried it and my feet felt like concrete when I was supposed to kick the ball." - Arsenal's Freddie Ljungberg, telling us more than we needed to know.
Banner of the week
Don't Bomb Iraq - Nuke Manchester.
- As spotted at the Liverpool end of the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff.
