With an election in the offing, German parties are keen to offer their electorate an enticing promise or two, a vulgar tactic that, mercifully, is foreign to these purer shores.
On Monday, Reuters got their paws on a draft manifesto of the ruling Social Democrat party (SPD) which, aside from promising trivial stuff like tax cuts and child support initiatives, vowed that the German football team would become world champions if the SPD was returned to power.
By Wednesday, however, this bold pledge had been drastically watered down in the final draft of the manifesto, perhaps after news of Mehmet Scholl's (above) retirement had come through.
The published version of the manifesto read: Germany shall remain at the top of international sport" (which sport? water polo?), with Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder declaring that "our whole programme is realistic".
In other words, the Republic and Cameroon will qualify from Group E for the second phase of the World Cup, with Germany valiantly beating off the challenge of Saudi Arabia for third place in the group. Right?
Squadwatch: McCarthy's men
Roy Keane (Manchester United, below): Mick McCarthy probably didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he saw his captain coming on eight minutes from time in Wednesday's game against Bayer Leverkusen. Keane, though, reported no reaction to his damaged hamstring and might have eased McCarthy's concerns (a bit) by promising that he wouldn't "do anything daft". Still, Alex Ferguson will probably play him on crutches, if needs be, in the second leg against the Germans.
Mark Kennedy (Wolves): Returned for Wolves in their final league game of the season last weekend, playing an hour against Sheffield Wednesday - manager David Jones said he was taken off due to tiredness, not because of any recurrence of the injury.
Should, then, be fit for the first leg of the play-offs against Norwich tomorrow.
Jason McAteer (Sunderland): Missed last weekend's game against West Ham with the groin injury he picked up in training with Ireland but is hoping to be fit for today's game away to Charlton.
Colin Healy (Celtic): Returned to Celtic last week after his successful loan spell with Coventry but, with one year left on his contract, admitted that he may leave Parkhead if there's no sign of regular first-team football.
Chinese puzzle: Coach is not a player
"AS an old person, I am obviously not suitable to answer this question - I do not smoke, drink, and I don't indulge in women," Bora Milutinovic told the Chinese press after they questioned him on news that China's footballers will be permitted conjugal rights during the World Cup, but only if they pay their wives' and girlfriends' expenses themselves.
The Yugoslav coach, who led China to their first ever appearance at the tournament, added, with a wink: "although I am old, I have a good memory".
Aaah, bless.
Quotes of the week
"I thought I had a very good schooling in Italy, but it was just kindergarten compared to this."
- Sven Goran Eriksson on life at the hands of the English tabloids.
Eamon Dunphy: "We wouldn't have published here." (i.e. the Sven/Ulrika (right) story).
Roy Greenslade: "You would - if Mick McCarthy had been having an affair with Andrea Corr?"
Dunphy: "That would have been regarded as a bloody miracle - have you seen Mick McCarthy?"
"It was Alastair Campbell who recklessly and shamelessly introduced them to each other at a party, with all the tragic inevitability of a man introducing the iceberg to the Titantic."
- Tory MP Boris Johnson on the first meeting between Sven and Ulrika.
"Rovers Want To Nail Down Duff."
- As Ronan Clarke put it: "I know Blackburn fans consider Damien Duff a saviour, but this is ridiculous."
