"When you think of what a man like Saddam Hussein has done and then how Glenn, who has been crucified, gets treated, it's unbelievable." - Derek Hoddle on how a wave of American fighter jets bombed his son Glenn's home in London last week. Well, we presume that's what he meant.

"If his theory about reincarnation is correct, he ought to be a worried man because the likelihood is the England coach will come back as a rocking horse. In the event of him being reborn with a split personality, he will return as two short planks." - Michael Parkinson writing in the Telegraph about Glenn Hoddle. Janie Michael, get off the fence and speak your mind, would ya?

"We live in a fantasy. You find yourself watching a flea and thinking how come that flea walks like that? You might stand on the flea then five minutes later a piece of tree falls on you and kills you. I try always to keep my feet on the ground." - Fulham owner Mohammed Al-Fayed on his team's hopes of upsetting Manchester United in their FA Cup fifth round tie at Old Trafford next weekend. Mmm.

"I would like to see Arsene Wenger manager of the England, but not at the end of the season - right now." - Chelsea player-manager Gianluca Vialli (see below).

"Alex Ferguson would be perfect for the England job, he knows everything about the game." - Chelsea player-manager Gianluca Vialli (see above).

"I don't even know what sexy football is. If it means making 20 passes and not going anywhere, I'm not interested in that." - David O'Leary, sounding an awful lot like Big Jack.

"When the fixtures came out United probably looked upon this as a certain three points. But you can guarantee we will make it as difficult as possible for them. If it's level with ten minutes left I'll stick on another striker. I'd rather lose it trying to win than sit back and settle for a draw. Draws are no good to us at the moment." - Nottingham Forest manager Ron Atkinson in the build-up to Saturday's 8-1 home defeat by Manchester United. Blush.