"The Germans only have one player under 22 and he's 23."

- No, we couldn't believe it either but, according to Private Eye, Kevin Keegan uttered these exact words on the BBC recently.

"The Scottish Premier League is not Mickey Mouse - there isn't an easy game throughout the SPL."

- Celtic boss Martin O'Neill talks bunkum. Of course there is an easy game in the SPL - Rangers at home (6-2).

"We have beaten them 4-0, 4-1 and 4-2 but it looks to the Press as if 6-2 is an even better score than the others. I totally disagree with that."

- Rangers' Dick Advocaat - someone buy him an abacus, quick.

"To win anything in life you have to go to places like Cardiff."

- Crystal Palace manager Alan Smith. Hmm.

"Almost Brazilian in quality."

- Radio Five Live Breakfast Show presenter on the wonder goal scored by Arsenal's Rioborn Silvinho.