"Manchester City's Shaun Wright-Phillips, who is of course Ian Wright's son . . . he doesn't look anything like him, though."

- Somebody tell this BBC Radio Five commentator that Shaun is Ian's adopted son - quick.

"It may seem a bit selfish, but I want to dedicate this to my dog who died two days ago."

- Boca Juniors coach Carlos Bianchi after his side won the Argentinian Apertura Championship. Aw.

"If it was two points for a win and one point for a draw, we would be halfway up the table by now. But it isn't and it is wins that count."

- Queens Park Rangers' manager Gerry Francis . . . and if the Queen had . . . cough.

"Nobody tells me how I should present myself in public. I will completely **** on anybody who doesn't like that."

- Bayern Munich's Stefan Effenberg responds to criticism from Franz Beckenbauer who objected to the midfield maestro turning up at the club's Christmas do wearing cowboy boots and lederhosen. (We're with you on this one, Franz).

"It's a type of gladiatorial warfare, without the benefit of a closed safety helmet . . . Liverpool play me on the right side of their defence, which means I have to run twice or three times as much as I used to do when I played as a centre-back. Up and down, up and down all the time."

- Liverpool defender Markus Babbel, loving every minute of his time in English football.