"That was a needle through the haystack job."

- Sky Sports co-commentator Clive Allen gets his metaphors muddled while trying to describe a Dennis Bergkamp pass in Arsenal's win over Wimbledon on Monday night.

"After five o'clock there are mosquitoes and 200 ladies going upstairs."

- Philipper Troussier, Japan's coach at the World Youth Cup in Nigeria, on strange goings-on at the team's Lagos hotel last week.

"If we don't make it there is nothing wrong with going to places like Grimsby."

- Blackburn benefactor Jack Walker tries to look on the positive side as his club stare relegation to Division One in the face.

"Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they're very different countries, but. . ."

- England manager Kevin Keegan looks forward to Wednesday's friendly against Hungary, who are identical to/nothing like (delete where necessary) Bulgaria.

"Zinedine Zidane is under the thumb. I took him aside and asked him, `Who is the boss in your house, you or your wife?' I would be very glad to keep him here at Juventus, but the problem is his wife - and I have no authority over her."

- Juventus vice-president Giovanni Agnelli bemoans the influence of Madame Zidane over her husband. That's wimin for ya, Giovanni.

"The World Cup and 1998 Golden Ball winner last night was unrecognisable, irritating, useless. Zidane doesn't like Turin? He misses the sea? He'd prefer Barcelona or Marseille? He can go where he likes, so long as he goes. He doesn't deserve to stay."

- Italian newspaper Tuttosport on Zinedine Zidane's display against Manchester United.

"Arsenal need to come here and win but it will be a hard, physical game for them. We've only lost once at home in something like 20 months so they know they're in for a tough afternoon."

- Middlesborough manager Bryan Robson ahead of Arsenal's 6-1 demolition of his team. Nice one Bryan.