"If we were 12 points behind Rangers with two games left I still wouldn't concede the title."

- Former Celtic player Peter Grant proves what a passionate Bhoy he is, but hints that his maths aren't all that great.

"I do not approve of female officials in professional football. How can they make accurate decisions if they have never been tackled from behind by a 14-stone centre half, or elbowed in the ribs or even caught offside?"

- Manchester City manager Joe `He Man' Royle responding to news that Wendy Toms has been appointed one of the referee's assistants at this season's League Cup final.

"When the blind chicken finds some food on the ground, it is because it is trying all the time."

- Adelaide City coach Zoran Matic after his team beat Brisbane Strikers 6-2. (We think he was complimenting his forwards on finding their goal-touch, but we can't be sure).

"I would not sign for another club, not even if I was offered $15 million. However, it would be different if they were to instead offer me 15 different women from all around the world. I would tell the club chairman: `Please let me make these women happy - I will satisfy them like they have never been satisfied before'."

Former Aston Villa player Sasa Curcic, in an interview with the Daily Mirror last week.