"Something does not turn around properly in his head and we must make sure that it turns around." - Real Madrid president Lorenzo Sanz speaking about Nicolas Anelka's malfunctioning head.

"Real treat me like a dog." - Anelka moaning again.

"None of the Wimbledon players smoke but I did have one player with Norway who smoked. That was Erik Mykland, but he is a long-haired Bohemian and he's ended up playing for Panathinaikos." - Anti-smoking champion Egil Olsen, current Wimbledon and former Norway manager.

"Spurs are denying that the 234-year-old has turned down a new contract offer." - TeamTalk, the internet football gossip site, reveals that the "experienced" Spurs striker Steffen Iversen may yet still sign a new contract at White Hart Line, thus lowering the average age of George Graham's team.