"The plaster cast was due off at the hospital today, but I was bored last night so I decided to cut it off in the kitches and I spiked myself."

- Dr Paul Gascoigne on his very special version of the what veteran footballer's mean when they speak of "looking after yourself".

"You couldn't make it up".

- His interviewer, Brough Scott, on this and the rest of the morning he spent with Gascoigne at the Middlesbrough training ground.

"The best thing I could do now is head off and play golf."

- Former Ireland international Pat Byrne who resigned as Kilkenny City boss this week after being banned by the FAI from any ground in which his team are playing.

"It will be very hard for Celtic to catch us now."

- Rangers skipper Lorenzo Amoruso steers clear of controversy in the wake of yesterday's 4-0 hammering of Old Firm rivals Celtic at Ibrox.