Iranian reporter: "Mr Keane, you are famous among Iranian young people, you are a hero to Iranian youth. You are strong, of course, you are like Hercules." Robbie Keane: "Jaysus. I haven't his muscles."

"They must have desire, they must be young - and they must have legs." Fussy Stockport County manager Carlton Palmer on the type of player he's looking for in the transfer market.

"He's not a hard man, he's a pansy - and I would say that to his face." Shelbourne chief executive Ollie Byrne welcoming Vinnie Jones to Dublin.

"He's going to need a bigger pair of hands if he wants to grab some of our players." Ollie Byrne again, this time warning Vinnie that if he tried to do to Shelbourne's players what he did to Paul Gascoigne all those years ago he'd have, well, a right handful.