By all accounts two of the finest players to grace the game of Gaelic football were brothers John Joe and Big Tom O'Reilly, who hailed from the village of Cornafean in Co Cavan.
After the seemingly effortless victory by another Cornafean resident, Catherina McKiernan, in yesterday's London Marathon somebody up there should start bottling and selling their water, perhaps even as fuel for Formula One cars.
"She's not off-putting to run beside," said Scottish runner Liz McColgan of McKiernan before the race, shown live by the BBC and Eurosport. One would have thought, though, that running alongside someone who appears to find a marathon as energy-sapping as an afternoon nap would not only be "off-putting", it would be utterly soul-destroying. "What's impressive, at this stage of the race, is the way she's bouncing off the road," said BBC commentator David Coleman - and that was after McKiernan had been running for two hours. "Remarkable," concluded Coleman, who uses this word quite a lot but, on this occasion, it was appropriate. Remarkable woman, remarkable athlete.
Glenn Hoddle, apparently, reckons Eileen Drewery's a remarkable woman too. So much so he revealed to the press last week that he's managed to persuade three quarters of his England squad to avail of the services of the faith healer he's been visiting since he was 17.
Tuesday's Newsnight, on BBC2, claimed Drewery helped release the creative spirits of the players, which suggests that Teddy Sheringham must belong to the 25 per cent who have yet to benefit from her talents.
On Tuesday's Footballers' Foot- ball Show, on Sky Sports 1, former England international and metaphor-mixer supreme Neil Webb defended Hoddle's promotion of the faith healer amongst his players by insisting that "she gives the lads a shoulder to talk to".
English soccer reporter Rob Shepherd was a little more sceptical about this faith-healing lark when he turned up on Sky's Hold the Back Page a few nights later. He recounted a conversation between two unnamed England players, one of whom had just finished a session with Drewery. "She told me I was a troubled soul," said the player. "Are you?" asked the other. "Well, I am now," he replied. "Now that can't help, can it?" mused an unimpressed Shepherd.
To our knowledge Mick McCarthy has yet to turn to a faith healer for help with the Irish team but, judging by his pre and post-match interviews with Ger Canning on Wednesday night, he could do with some advice on improving his media skills.
"Have you any qualms about playing a 17-year-old, Robbie Keane?" asked Canning. "Yeah, I'm worried to death," replied McCarthy.
"Your critics will say what has Denis (Irwin) done wrong not to get included from the outset." McCarthy replies: "Well, my critics will always pick something out, won't they?"
"People are still saying . . . that Ian Harte is a great player but not a central defender."
"So what? What do they want me to do about that. Listen, whatever team I pick . . . I'll be criticised for something. It's not paranoia that, by the way."
Oh dear. One gets the truly awful feeling that Ian Harte will remain at the centre of the Irish defence for so long as people tell McCarthy he shouldn't be there, regardless of the consequences. And we thought Jack was stubborn?
Perhaps Mick should hire Tommy Docherty as a media consultant. After spells in charge of Chelsea, Rotherham, Queens Park Rangers (three times), Aston Villa, Porto, Scotland, Manchester United, Derby, Sydney Olympic, South Melbourne, Preston, Wolves and Altrincham (phew) "The Doc" is now the king of the after-dinner speech circuit, and received rapturous applause from the audience of BBC1's On Side last Monday night after entertaining them with a string of one-liners.
His worst ever signing as a manager? "Tony Hateley, £150,000 from Aston Villa. Nice lad, good pro, lacked one thing - ability. Bill Shankly rang me up one day from Liverpool and said how much do you want for the boy Hateley. I said £100,000 wouldn't buy him - he says `I know, I'm one of the 100,000'."
His most memorable sacking? "Jim Gregory, Queens Park Rangers. After about a week he called me in and he says `I'm calling it a day'. I said `don't be daft, you're doing a marvellous job as chairman'." (Exit Docherty from QPR). What about Scotland's chances in the World Cup? "We've done very, very well to qualify, but we'll be home before the postcards."
Perhaps in years to come, once he retires from the BBC, Gary Lineker might succeed Docherty as King of the One Liners. On hearing that the wife of Neil Cox, who scored his first goal for Bolton against Aston Villa on Saturday, was due a baby any moment he declared, on Saturday night's Match of The Day, that Cox had "scored twice in the last nine months". You can see the headlines - "Gary Lineker In Rude Remark Shocker". And he used to be such a nice boy too.
Offaly footballer Roy Malone seemed like a pleasant lad too, judging by his appearance on Network Two's Sideline View last Friday night. But then Des Cahill asked him to tell us his favourite joke. "I never laughed as much when I heard this one," he said, "but I did have a few jars on me. Right. This guy is walking down the street, eating an apple, and another guy says to him `give us a bite of your orange' and he says `it's not a peach, it's a plum'." And with that he dissolved into tears of laughter. The GAA should strip Offaly of their National League crown and ban Malone for six months. At least.
