TV View/Mary Hannigan: Mon Dieu. Mon euro. Namely the one staked on Dav-eeed Trezeguet finishing as the tournament's leading scorer. Think about it: Gary "king of the toe-pokes" Breen will finish this World Cup with at least one more goal than the Juventus ace goal-poacher supreme. Those who ever doubted that this is a peculiar auld game - one rests one's case.

Indeed, as one speaks, Real Madrid are probably negotiating with Breen's agent in an attempt to acquire his goal-sniffing services in time to partner him up front with Row-ooool next season. Even the X-Files folk would have rejected the script. Far too spooky to be true.

"Life goes on, everything comes to an end," said Graham Taylor on ITV after France bid adieu to their World Cup crown. Was this statement a contradiction in terms or a Jean Paul Sartre quote? Either way, Les Bleus' cheeks were as rouge as sauce de tomate. And those of us who worship at the altar of Zidane were left concluding that life is just a sac of merde.

Gutted. Billo Herlihy knew how we felt.

"Is the tournament diminished with France out of it," he asked Johnny Gilesie.

"No," Gilesie argued at length. "No?," asked Bill. "No," said Gilesie.

If Le Dunph had been in the seat beside him he'd have lectured Gilesie on the importance of having a little je ne sais quoi, a bitta joie de vivre in your life, but he wasn't, so Gilesie got off scot libre.

Just to add to our woes, the first match we failed to see live and uninterrupted in this World Cup just happened to be the match of the World Cup. Senegal v Uruguay. Bitter? God damn it: yes. Especially 'cos Diego Forlan happened to score a wonder goal. And casualty departments in Manchester hospitals were swamped with Reds suffering from shock. Flip it, they weren't aware "I can't help Forlan in love with you" was even capable of scoring a goal, never mind one of the "wonder" variety.

Uruguay missed a sitter at the death and had to settle for a 3-3 draw, having trailed 3-0. Vincent Browne described them as the "Willie O'Dea of the World Cup" on the radio, as if they didn't have enough . . . legal department alert: please re-read your libel notes. Okay. Relax dudes.

So that was it. Day over. Apart from Ireland v Saudi Arabia. With a tricolour fluttering on the screen behind him Billo addressed the nation. He talked about "days which serve as a metaphor for the dreams and hopes of the nation" and by the time he turned to his panel - Gilesie, Dinny "legend" Irwin and Liamo Brady - the tears were streaming down their cheeks.

Well, no, they weren't. In fact Gilesie's eyes asked: "What are you on, Bill?"; Liamo's forehead said: "For ****'s sake Bill" and Dinny's lips silently mouthed the question: "Why have I been given Eamo's chair?"

Kick-off is imminent. Liamo tipped Cameroon to beat Germany. Gilesie tipped Cameroon to beat Germany. Dinny? Tipped Germany to beat Cameroon. The ghosts of pundits past had got the better of Dinny who, until yesterday, had never shown such dissent in his life. Eamo would have been proud.

Over on ITV Bobby Robson informed the viewers that Ireland "have got to score to win the game" and declared that "Damon" Duff would be "important in this match". This, you should know, is the man who has oft called his goalkeeper, Shay Given, "Shay Brennan".

Over to the stadium. "There's a touch of the Lansdowne Roads here tonight," said ITV's Jim Rosenthal. It's just a wild guess, but one assumes he was talking about the weather, rather than the state-of-the-art 70,000 all-seater stadium in Yokohama, unless the passing YART vibrated every bone in his body as he attempted to hold his footing in the gantry in the skies.

Spotted in the crowd: a tricolour with "Japanese are excited at your play" printed on it. Chucks. Seven minutes gone. Robbie. Keane. Goal. "There's a saying in football that you get out of a game what you put into it in the opening minutes," revealed Big Ron Atkinson, revealing a saying in football that few of us had ever heard before he uttered it.

Half-time. Bobby O'Robson. "The Saudis have flooded midfield and we are . . .". "We?" asked Des Lynam. "Well, the longer I sit with him (Andy Townsend) the more Irish I become," he explained, before continuing: "We are outgunned, we need the two wide players to tuck in. I keep saying 'we' - they can do better. We're half way there, but we're not there," he wee-ed on. The greening of Bobby, eh? Terrific. We'll take all the lovely gents we can get, especially when we have to make do with the likes of . . . legal department alert: please re-re-read your libel notes.

Back to RTÉ. "We've played very, very badly, very, very poorly," said Gilesie, hinting he was unhappy with the first-half display. If Eamo had been there he'd have been lobbing his biro at Billo and graffiti-ing "utter *****" on Liamo's face.

Oi, Montrose - ye've got yer apology, now reinstate him, yer midfield lacks a leader.

Second half. Niall "Quinn" Quinner waiting to come on. "Here comes the mountain of Mourne, the tallest structure in the World Cup," as ITV's Clive Tyldesley put it. "He's changed into his Superman suit again - is it a bird, is it a plane, no - but he's up in that direction." Cripes. Clive. Chill.

Gary Breen scored. And Trezeguet, watching on telly, said "aaaaaaah, zat iz how you do it?". George Hamilton nearly fell off the gantry. Then Damien "Duff" Duffer made it three. "Ireland home and hosed, by three goals to nil," as Hamo put it.

Full-time. Tony O'Donoghue had the, cough, the pleasure of interviewing Mick McCarthy on the sideline. "We could see by your face that you were getting quite tetchy," said Tone. "Hey, big game that. You wanna try sitting on that bench when your backside is in the bacon slicer," said Big Gruff Mick. Nice. This house is trying to love the man, but Lordy, it's so hard.

Back to the studio. Dinny alleged Robbie Keano wasn't a natural born goalscorer. Liamo wasn't impressed. Neither was Gilesie. All hell threatened to break loose but, as is his wont, Dinny kept cool, stood his ground and refused to turn.

"I must say, and I know Eamon usually says it, when Roy Keane isn't there," said Gilesie, "whoever's to blame, it is a shame because he was just the player we needed there today." Aaah, never a truer word was spoke, even if it was almost drowned out by the Oles. Hats off to you Gilesie, Eamo would have been proud. And there were we thinking the bulk of the nation would get what it wanted, una voce. As the rebels sang yesterday, "where's our midfield, in Mayfield, in Mayfield'.