“How long before the next World Cup,” asked Shane Horgan at full-time, deciding after what he’d seen in Marseille that it couldn’t come soon enough. Alas, it was a whole 1,337 days away at the time of asking – 115,516,801 seconds to be exact, not that we’re counting – so we’ll just have to be patient before we whip ourselves in to a frenzy of expectation all over again. But Lordy, that was some shift on Friday.
“An outstanding, historic performance,” Shane swooned, although our Virgin Media pundits weren’t in complete agreement over just how outstanding or historic it was or wasn’t.
Matt Williams: “That was a staggering performance, one of Ireland’s greatest ever victories, it has to be up there with the greatest by an Irish team in the Six Nations, a phenomenal performance.”
Rob Kearney: “When we look at this score in five years time we will think, ‘wow, that must have been one of Ireland’s greatest ever performances away from home’ – I don’t think that was the case. Was that the very best they can play? I don’t think so.”
That class of talk, Joe Molloy told us, earned Rob a text from a pal instructing him to “stop being so miserable”, Shane and Andrew Trimble concluding that we’ve been so spoilt the last couple of years, there are those who would even go “meh” at the prospect of winning another Grand Slam. Nothing less than winning the World Cup (or at least getting past the quarter-finals) will do.
This Irish team has given us so many sparkly moments, we end up regarding a win like Friday’s as “banal”, said Shane. “We are an entitled rugby nation,” Andrew chuckled. Shane agreed. “We have to cop on a little bit.” “Five tries to two in the south of France, we’ll take it,” said Matt. That was Rob told.
Much of the post-match chat was centred on Joe McCarthy’s display. Although, as Virgin’s Bernard O’Toole put it next day, he now has a brand new name. “Joe McCarthy woke up yesterday morning as Joe McCarthy – I’m pretty sure come the full-time whistle he was re-christened Big Joe.” Which he was too, thanks in the main to captain Peter O’Mahony, although at six foot six it’s doubtful that he was “Wee Joe” before Friday.
Over on ITV, Brian O’Driscoll was singing McCarthy’s praises too, with one caveat. “Speaking from experience, when you have a barnet like that, you have to play well. But my God, did that boy play well – he was everywhere today. He was the standout player of the match.” Still, what’s that barnet about? We need to be told. If Big Joe isn’t careful, Chris Waddle will sue him for copyright.
But back on Virgin, Andrew was paying him, well, the ultimate rugby compliment. “He runs with aggression, he wants to hurt people, he’s got that kind of thuggery about him that we don’t see with Irish athletes.” Big Joe won’t know whether to say “thanks” or consult his lawyers.
Andy Farrell was predictably unrestrained with his excessive celebratory tone, chest-beating and fist-pumping through his post-match chat with Tommy Martin. Kidding. “Very pleased with that. On to the next one.”
If the rugby present is so bright it would blind you, the future’s a bit on the dazzling side too, based on that under-20 performance up the road in Aix-en-Provence the following night.
Chasing their third Grand Slam in a row – meh – Ireland’s rugby toddlers only went and beat the world champions 37-31, Jack Murphy, ice in the lad’s veins, kicking two late penalties to push them over the line. “You can tell he’s been kicking goals since the day he was born,” said Ian Madigan on Virgin, and honest, you wouldn’t be surprised, really, if Murphy was knocking balls between the posts since before he could crawl. If there’s a video out there, it’ll surely go viral on TikTok.
A heck of a weekend for Irish rugby. So listen ye entitled ones, cop on a little, less of yer “mehs”. At the time of writing, there are only 1,335 days to the next Rugby World Cup. We are, then, only 115,344,000 seconds away from glory.
