Mon Dieu. All you could do, really, come the end of the game was doff your berets to the visitors, and not just to the ones on the pitch, but to those in the stands who turned the place in to Stade de Lansdowne. If as many of them made it ashore at Bantry Bay in 1796, we’d now all be talking French.
“I think that sums up the day from an Irish point of view,” Donal Lenihan sighed when Thomas Ramos intercepted that pass and sent Damian Penaud on his way to equalling Serge Blanco’s French record of 38 tries. And so crestfallen did Donal sound, it was as if he had witnessed Penaud score all 38 of them on Saturday afternoon.
The omens hadn’t been the best, to be honest, Jacqui Hurley breaking the news that James Lowe had suffered a back spasm in the warm-up so was out of the game. With Mack Hansen having already been ruled out, that was Ireland’s wings clipped.
Our pundits were, though, still hopeful-ish that Ireland could do the business, Jamie Heaslip reckoning that France might have erred by going for that 7-1 split on the bench. “They could have gone 6-2 and they’d have had more optionality on the back line,” he said, at which point he should have been escorted out of the stadium by security for using the word ‘optionality’.
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No matter, there were bigger things to focus on, like Cian Healy’s tears during Amhrán na bhFiann. And look, tears are tears, the sight of them trickling down any cheek should leave us moved, but there’s just something about a six-foot-plus, 18-stone prop welling up that would leave you fit for nothing. It was Jerry Flannery and John Hayes, Croke Park 2007, all over again.
Donal, meanwhile, was close to tears himself when Ireland failed to put any points on the board in that highly dominant opening spell, fearing that they would pay the price for their profligacy. Especially when France only went and scored a try.
But then Antoine Dupont limped out of the game and Donal saluted the crowd for saluting the marvel. (“Albeit they’ll be happy to see him go off,” he whispered). The game losing rugby’s Feet of Flames was, though, saddening, although the camera people tried to give us a lift by showing us Michael Flatley in the crowd. He looked quite glum, but Sam Prendergast’s penalty from the halfway line would have sent him in to the half-time break with a pep in his step, only two points in it.
The second half? It started rather beautifully with that Dan Sheehan try, but thereafter? Well, France brought on five behemoths, and Ireland lost one, Peter O’Mahony exiting his last game on home turf. Not that we saw his departure, the cameras opting not to show it, but send your abusive emails to the Six Nations, they’re the match broadcasters, not RTÉ.
Healy chipped in with a late try, which set this couch off again, as did Jack Conan, but it was a mullering. “Ireland were lucky to only lose by 15 points,” said Brian O’Driscoll over on ITV, “that’s how big a differential there was between the sides.”
The RTÉ crew didn’t disagree, Jamie begging to differ with Simon Easterby’s conclusion that the scoreline didn’t reflect the game. “Eh, it did.” “A dark day for Ireland,” said Bernard Jackman, who contrasted our lot’s “paint by numbers” game-plan with France’s je-ne-sais-quoi “makey-uppy” approach. “It’s all instinctive, it’s all based around power and pace and individual moments,” he said.
Stephen Ferris was more succinct – “we just got blown away” – as was Jonathan Davies, incidentally, over on the BBC ahead of the Scotland v Wales game. “France. Just. Absolutely. Smashed. Them.” Thanks for that, Jonathan.
So then, championship hopes hanging by the slenderest of threads. “And England have very much entered the WhatsApp group now,” said Jamie on the optionality of them pipping France and Ireland to the title.
“It’s not a good day to be an Irish supporter,” he concluded. He wasn’t wrong. The French might have struggled at Bantry Bay, but they landed the maman of all punches at Stade de Lansdowne.
