Manchester Utd ... 5 Newcastle ... 3: This gamecould not decide whether it was a rout or a spine-tingler. Had John O'Shea not kicked Gary Speed's shot off the line in the 89th minute, a then-rampant Newcastle would have had stoppage time in which to foist the unwelcome spectacle of a 5-5 draw on the home crowd.
For the happy if puzzled Manchester United support even ambivalence is reassuring after their unqualified dejection over recent Premiership form. Alex Ferguson's side at last responded as expected to the injury blight, and the thrill of intuitive flair was back.
Those who remain fit quarried deeper into their own talent, uncovering aspects of their skill that made good the qualities normally supplied by the absentees. A top-class footballer sometimes has to be an impressionist and, on this evidence, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer could vie with Rory Bremner for a Channel 4 slot.
Pressed into service as a winger, the centre-forward tamed a high pass from Ruud van Nistelrooy, jinked round Aaron Hughes and rolled over the judicious cross that Paul Scholes converted with a perfectly executed finish for the opener in the 25th minute.
Despite Van Nistelrooy's hat-trick, it was Scholes who gave the most absorbing display as he structured their build-up from an unfamiliar role. Juan Sebastian Veron, back from Argentina's midweek win in Japan, was used only as a substitute, but even without the jet-lag he would have toiled to equal Scholes' wide-awake prompting.
It was Van Nistelrooy's goals, though, that stretched the gap Newcastle could never close. The claim by Bolton manager Sam Allardyce in September that Premiership defenders had learned how to stop the Dutchman looked more reckless than ever. If any such course of study does exist, the Newcastle back four must have been playing truant.
They dithered as Van Nistelrooy concentrated on the flight of Mikael Silvestre's deflected cross to head them into a 2-1 lead. The other elements of the hat-trick were set up by Diego Forlan, with a miscued shot and a wholly intentional cross.
The key goal, though, was Manchester United's fifth. Solskjaer smashed into Hughes, leaving him prone and hurt as he danced on to Silvestre's through-ball to finish with carefree efficiency. The Norwegian must have been ignoring his guilty conscience and, peculiarly, the referee's assistant found no cause to call him to account.
Even so, Newcastle persecuted themselves more than any official could. Bobby Robson purported to be baffled that his side defend so much better at home, but this is not a puzzle comparable to the paradoxes of quantum physics.
The Newcastle back four, with 17 goals conceded, has the worst away record in the Premiership. Other leading clubs have invested heavily in centre-halves but Robson likes to save his money for creative talent.
Here, there was demoralising frustration in finding attacking breakthroughs devalued. Olivier Bernard levelled the game at 1-1 with a skew-whiff cross that Fabien Barthez ought to have flicked over the bar.
Later Alan Shearer recorded his 100th Premiership goal for the club with a brutal drive, before winning the header that set up Craig Bellamy to score.
Robson recalled that, knowing Van Nistelrooy from his period as PSV manager, he had told Martin Ferguson - an Old Trafford scout - to recommend that his brother, Alex, buy the forward.
"He went to the best club," Robson said, taking an altruistic pleasure in the trajectory of the striker's life.
The manager retains an endearing, innocent love of football for its own sake, but he will have to eradicate his defence's open-hearted attitude.
MAN UTD: Barthez, O'Shea, Brown, Blanc (Roche 69), Silvestre, Solskjaer, Scholes, Fortune, Giggs, Forlan (Veron 79), van Nistelrooy (Richardson 64). Subs Not Used: Ricardo, Chadwick. Booked: Solskjaer, van Nistelrooy. Goals: Scholes 25, van Nistelrooy 38, 45, 53, Solskjaer 55.
NEWCASTLE: Given, Griffin, Dabizas, O'Brien, Hughes, Jenas, Dyer, Speed, Bernard (Solano 72), Shearer, Bellamy. Subs Not Used: Elliott, Acuna, Harper, Ameobi. Booked: Speed, Dabizas. Goals: Bernard 35, Shearer 52, Bellamy 75.
Referee: S Dunn (Avon).
