Uefa gonna Uefa. At first glance, the oddest thing about an extremely odd week in the bidding process for Euro 2028 wasn’t that Russia decided at the last minute to cause a bit of chaos or that Turkey decided they fancied getting involved too.
While these were both unanticipated early in the week, it’s fair to say the world is past the point of being shocked at anything Russia does these days. As for Turkey, if there was now going to be a race, they may as well be in it as not, particularly with a view to maybe ending up with Euro 2032 by default.
No, the aspect of it all that really jumped out was the monumental shift in timescale it caused. At the beginning of the week, all sources seemed satisfied that the UK and Ireland bid would be anointed and signed off on in the coming weeks. It was to be made official on Thursday, April 7th. But now that it’s a three-horse race, the decision won’t be made until September 2023. A fortnight has turned into a year and a half.
But of course, it’s not that odd at all. What it means is that Uefa suits have given themselves a year and a half to have their bellies tickled by three different bids. That’s a lot of cross-continent travel, plenty of nice hotels, endless dinners in prospective host cities with local governments picking up the bill each time.
It’s 18 months of playing rival bids off against each other, of constantly ramping up the price Uefa can extract for their generosity in awarding the tournament.
The fact that the UK and Ireland bid is still expected to win comfortably enough is neither here nor there. The crucial point now is that Uefa are going to make them earn it.
Ah, but as Uefa would surely point out, it’s not as though a new date came out of nowhere. This is the process that was always in place. They were as surprised as anyone that Russia inserted themselves at the last minute. And that Turkey jumped in as well.
They fully expected it to be plain sailing for the UK and Ireland bid and were fully ready to confirm it. But process is process and once a country expresses an interest, they’re duty-bound to play it all out. So September 2023 it is.
All of which makes Uefa possibly the last organisation on the planet who are carrying on as if we are living in normal times. They have banned Russian teams from European competition, yes. But they somehow haven't yet suspended Russia from their organisation. They haven't thrown Alexander Dyukov off their executive committee, despite the fact that he is the CEO and chairman of Gazprom. That's Gazprom, who are worth €40m a year to Uefa, of course.
Ludicrous expression
Most egregiously, they haven’t dismissed out of hand Russia’s ludicrous expression of interest in hosting the 2028 Euros. Everyone with half a brain can see it for what it is – a piece of macabre theatre from the Russian government, a bleakly mischievous bit of nonsense to distract from the daily horror they are inflicting on Ukraine.
Uefa’s response wasn’t just weak and insufficient and bound up in tortured legalese. It was barely human.
"The Bureau of the Fifa Council and the Uefa Executive Committee decided on 28 February to suspend all Russian teams, whether national representative teams or club teams, from participation in both Fifa and Uefa competitions until further notice," said Wednesday's statement on the matter. "However, no suspension of the Football Russian Union was imposed at that time.
“The Uefa Executive Committee will however remain on standby to convene further extraordinary meetings, on a regular ongoing basis where required, to reassess the legal and factual situation as it evolves and adopt further decisions as necessary, including in light of the declaration of interest expressed by the Russian Football Union for hosting the Uefa Euro.”
This might be a good place to point out that the cities Russia is bombing to dust are the very same ones that hosted Uefa’s flagship tournament not 10 years ago. In June 2012, Kharkiv hosted Germany v Holland, the stand-out fixture from the group stages.
Arguably the game of the tournament came the following day when Denmark pulled back a two-goal deficit, only for Portugal to nab the winner three minutes from time. Thousands of Danes and Portuguese flooded Lviv that night, sailing through the same train stations that have for the past month been the gathering point for refugee trains to western Europe.
Of course, it shouldn’t matter a whit what country Russia was invading. But you’d have thought that maybe some piece of Uefa shame would be twanged by the fact that Kyiv, the city that was the host to their biggest night just three finals ago, is surrounded by tanks belonging to one of the countries looking to be next in line.
Their statement ought to have been two sentences long – Russia have expressed interest in hosting the 2028 Euros. Uefa will not be facilitating them.
Here’s the question for us though. Why do we want anything to do with Uefa? Why are we not running as quickly as we can in the opposite direction from these people?
As ever, one of the worst side-effects of bidding for an international tournament is the nonsense Irish politicians get to spout about economic benefits and lifting the spirits of the country and all the nebulous yadda-yadda that goes along with it. But if we have to endure 18 months of them yakadoodling away about this stuff, we should press them on this very simple matter.
Make money
Uefa put on these tournaments to make money. The major attraction of the UK and Ireland bid is that, in the words of FA's chief Mark Bullingham: "We can deliver a really strong commercial return for Uefa and we feel that puts us in a strong position. Uefa are being very transparent with all 55 countries that they want to use the 2024 [in Germany] and 2028 men's Euros to rebuild their coffers and rebuild their reserves."
That’s Uefa’s sole concern here. It’s why governments have to guarantee to underwrite bids. It’s why tax laws need to be changed in bidding countries to ensure that footballers who come to play in the tournament don’t have to pay tax here. It’s why the Irish government will have to provide financial cover to pay for security, marketing and a host of other issues, with Uefa creaming off the profits for themselves.
And in normal times, we might be minded to shrug our shoulders and say it’s the cost of doing business. If you want the big show, you’ve got to come up with the readies. Everybody knows the terms and conditions.
But these aren’t normal times and Russia has bombed Ukraine for a month now without being suspended from Uefa. We should not be doing business with such a compromised organisation. We certainly should not be cosying up to them in a bid to enrich them.
