Harry Kane’s press conference on Sunday was already proving to be a touch negative for the poor fellah, him being bombarded with questions along the lines of “why have England – and you in particular – been pants?”. But then a German reporter only went and asked him if he would like to play for the local side, them being in the seventh tier of German football.
That just seemed rude, like that was Harry’s level these days, but it was a jocular query, the reporter going on to ask the England captain if he’d like to live in Blankenhain and what he thought of its landscape.
Harry, being the politest man in world football, said he’d talk to his agent about moving to the local side, said Blankenhain’s landscape was lovely, and while not promising to live there one day, didn’t entirely rule out the possibility.
This is the upside of Sky not having the rights to Euro 2024. All they can do is talk about it, and when you’ve 24 hours to fill, as Sky Sports News does, that’s a lot of talking to do. So, you get to see these press conferences in their entirety because they fill a decent chunk of that airtime.
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So, Harry was questioned about his reaction to being taken off against Denmark (“how did you FEEL when your number went up?”), if he thought he should be dropped for the Slovenia game, if he was mortified by his poxy form (we’re paraphrasing here), if he believed England were the very worst team in the world (or something along those lines) and what was his response to Gary Lineker’s verdict on the side’s displays thus far? “Is it helpful for someone like him to describe you as sh**?”
If Nigel Farage was tuning in, he’d have felt relieved that he hadn’t been grilled as mercilessly these past few weeks.
“Eh,” said Harry, at which point Ed Draper, back in the studio, spoke over him to apologise for “the fruity language”. Harry could have said, “what is it about us lot and our eternal habit of eating our own,” but he resisted, although his advice to the pundits that “building the lads up with confidence is a much better way of going about it” possibly missed the point of punditry.
But he remained unruffled through it all, him being blessed with a temperament that allows this stuff largely wash over him. “Suddenly Harry Kane speaks and all seems right with the world,” Sky Sports News’ Rob Dorsett gushed, although if he has a ‘mare against Slovenia, his channel will possibly ask their viewers if his citizenship should be revoked.
All the while, while Harry endured his 40-minute press conference, photos of dogs in Scotland jerseys, sent in by viewers, were popping up on the right of the screen, as part of the build-up to Sunday evening’s do-or-die meeting with Hungary. A Golden Retriever called Ralph looked like he wanted to chew his leg off, so unenthusiastic was he about being decked out in such a manner.
Sky’s Kaveh Solhekol was stationed outside Scotland’s hotel in Stuttgart where a large gathering of bagpipe-wielding Tartan Army people had also assembled. The squad was, Kaveh assured us repeatedly, about to leave any minute now because he’d seen their “man bags” being loaded on the team bus. We waited, and waited, and waited, and ... then Sky lost patience and took a break, during which Scotland boarded their bus.
The vehicle set off to the right, Kaveh predicting that a police escort would ensure its speedy passage to the stadium, despite a mountain of roadworks along the way. At which point: “Oh look, the Scottish coach is coming back!” It was too, heading to the left of the hotel. Roadworks 1, Police Escort 0.
No matter, Kaveh was able to report soaring levels of confidence among the Scottish support. “There was one young supporter I was speaking to, he definitely wasn’t drunk because it was early in the morning. He said to me, ‘Scotland are going all the way! I’ll see you in Berlin because we’re going to be in the final!’. If Ralph the Golden Retriever could talk, he’d have said: “Hello? Breathalyser, please.”
