The sniggering from Dortmund to Durness has been unmistakable. The intensely tribal nature of Scottish football combined with Celtic’s dominance of the same scene means results such as the 7-1 trouncing in Dortmund on Tuesday are widely celebrated. Petty, parochial but perfectly understandable.
The trouble is, yet another harrowing night for Celtic provided the latest snapshot of Scottish football’s miserable state. There is no point in revelling in Celtic’s scenario because the pickle they continually find themselves in against serious opposition tells all about the standard of the Scottish Premiership.
Also-rans are heralded, prehistoric tactics likewise, with youth development virtually nonexistent. Administrators endorse work permit applications for substandard foreign imports, which either blocks the progression of Scottish talent or serves as tacit admission the home-grown players are nowhere near good enough in the first place. Governance is lazy, dictated by clubs who lost the impetus to look at the broader picture long ago.
With injuries and loss of form biting Steve Clarke, Scotland are feeling the pinch from a horrendous lack of adequate resources. Celtic’s European turmoil is intrinsically linked to that of the national team. Alarm bells should have started ringing on both fronts long ago. Instead, provided with ample opportunity to reform, Scottish football emerged from the pandemic in an identically inauspicious state to how it entered it.
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Celtic are streets ahead of all domestic competition – even that term feels unjust – on and off the field. Liam Scales can resemble Franco Baresi and Callum McGregor Zinedine Zidane against players who would struggle to find a platform in England’s League One.
Defenestration at the hands of Dortmund will inevitably be forgotten by those in green and white by the time celebrations are in full flow at Ross County on Sunday when the boot should be on the other foot. Celtic, realising the totally futile state of the environment in which they participate week upon week, should be leading the charge for revolution.
Their situation is the most hapless of all. It is not so much that Celtic need a stiffer challenge but that the level in Scotland has to dramatically improve. It is curious Celtic’s board are not at the forefront of that agenda. Without it, the club is destined to make up Champions League numbers.
Celtic were heavy favourites to defeat Slovan Bratislava on match day one and delivered. It becomes an exercise in pointlessness, however, if they crash to spectacularly when the bar is meaningfully raised.
Brendan Rodgers, to his credit, has refused to cite the leap from Scottish top flight to elite level as well nigh impossible. He is smart enough not to cite financial gulfs. They apply even more starkly in Scotland in his favour.
The football finance expert Kieran Maguire pointed out on Wednesday that Celtic’s squad cost 185 times that of St Johnstone. Dortmund’s was six times that of Celtic.
Celtic’s followers, through fear that the achievements of their team are not being properly recognised, rail against criticism of what plays out at home. As a well-run, self-sufficient club, Celtic have no cause to apologise to anybody for the advantages they enjoy. Yet the frequently stated point that other leagues – France, England, Germany, Spain, Italy – have dominant forces ignores the fact that leading teams there are among the best in Europe.
Not only are Celtic miles adrift but Dundee United would be embarrassed by Newcastle, Motherwell by Rennes, Kilmarnock by Torino, etc. Hibs took on Aston Villa last season and lost 8-0 on aggregate.
There is excitement, and understandably so, about Tony Bloom’s involvement with Hearts. The Brighton owner’s analytics firm, Jamestown, could deliver a much-needed boost to the Scottish scene. More intriguing in the short term would be how that company assesses Hearts’ players against those at similar-sized clubs in Europe. It is almost certain that spreadsheet would provide a sobering read.
There are relevant subplots. Rodgers adopted an identical game plan in Dortmund to that used in a 6-0 canter at St Johnstone days earlier. There was misplaced confidence attached to the theory Celtic could replicate against last season’s Champions League finalists what transpired in Perth.
Rodgers has suffered too many European thumpings for coincidence. The manager requires a pragmatic Plan B. Celtic lack a dominant midfield ball-winner, partly because they do not need one domestically.
The gulf between major clubs and the rest is unlikely to be masked by the Champions League’s new format; Bayern Munich scoring nine against Dynamo Zagreb and this week’s comprehensive wins for Manchester City and Barcelona tell us that much.
Supporters of Rangers object vehemently to being lumped in with the European woes of their great rivals. A run to the Europa League final in 2022 and generally strong performances in that environment give them cause to swagger. What Rangers would rather ignore is a Champions League campaign of 2022-23 when they failed to gather a point and slumped to a goal difference of minus 20. In August 2023, PSV Eindhoven swatted them aside in a Champions League qualifier.
Laugh at Celtic, by all means. Ultimately, if you are a Scottish football fan, though, the joke is on you. The national sport’s parlous state provides no cause for comedy.
