When Shanna Taihuttu posted a video on her TikTok account on Friday of her in hospital waiting to give birth to her first child, with her husband Justin Kluivert in the room alongside her, she’d have been entitled to receive a heap of good wishes in the comments.
Instead? The gist: “Is the baby coming on Saturday? I’m thinking of bringing in Justin in FPL [Fantasy Premier League] but I’m scared he’s gonna miss the game because he’s there with you? Thanks.” “KLUIVERT YOU NEED TO PLAY I’VE GOT YOU IN MY FPL MATE.” “Kluivert u better play I captained u.”
Come Saturday morning, Shanna posted another video, labelled “the best day of our lives”, this one showing Justin with their new baby. There were plenty of congratulations, but there’s always one: “Just wondering, you still available for FPL?”
He was. He played for Bournemouth in their 3-1 win away to Southampton. He had to come off on 77 minutes, though, no doubt exhausted.
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If one person asks him if he’ll be too tired to play against Wolves next Saturday, Shanna needs to send the heavies around.
Quote
“Real Madrid cannot beat Man City. If they beat City, I will cut off my testicles!” – Sergio Aguero with some, eh, pruning to do after Madrid did indeed beat City in the Champions League last week.
By the Numbers: 2008
A reminder of the year Michael Noonan, Shamrock Rovers’ history-making Conference League goalscorer, was born. Last week, like.
Word of Mouth
“I ended up wandering around Tolka Park like a stray dog. If it had gone on any longer I’d probably have gone over myself – I wouldn’t have had a clue what I was doing, but I’d have tried something.” – Damien ‘Sparky’ Duff on that 45-minute delay due to a power cut during Friday’s season-opener against Derry City, and his temptation to tend to the fuse box himself.
“I think a new goalkeeper is needed, possibly two centre halves, two centre midfield players and two centre forwards.” – Apart from that, Paul Scholes thinks Manchester United are well equipped.
“I think the referee did not understand Jude’s English. He said ‘**** off’, not ‘**** you’ – that’s way different.” – Carlo Ancelotti on the, well, language barrier that led to Bellingham’s red card on Saturday after he had words with the ref.
“At least an empty cabinet is easier to move: 30.” – A rather unkind Liverpool banner at Goodison Park last week which pointed out that Everton, who are moving to their new stadium at the end of the season, haven’t won a trophy in three decades.
Love in the air
“Roses are red, footballs are round, we’ve got cards that’ll make your heart pound,” tweeted German Football’s English-language account last week on Valentine’s Day last week.
The cards?
“I’m Neuer gonna give you up”; “You make me want to Popp the question”; “I’m desperate to Gwinn you over”; “I Kai-nd of like you”.
In time we’ll forgive them for their Manuel Neuer, Alexandra Popp, Giulia Gwinn and Kai Havertz-themed messages, but not any time soon.
More Word of Mouth
“I honestly no longer even understand the rules. We now all have to run around like penguins, with our arms glued to the sides of our bodies – and jump like penguins too.” – Atalanta coach Gian Piero Gasperini in need of a p-p-p-pick-up after his side conceded a controversial late penalty to Club Brugge in the Champions League.
“Any leaks, whether accidental or intended, can be damaging to colleagues and the wider club.” – An email sent to Manchester United employees by the club’s owners warning them against leaking information to the media. The email was, eh, leaked.
“I like good football, not expensive football.” – Real Sociedad winger Takefusa Kubo on being asked if he fancies a move to the Saudi Pro League. That’s a no, then.
