ALL IN THE GAME:A soccer miscellany

WHEN Wolves beat Aston Villa recently, a reporter was brave/daft enough to ask Mick McCarthy if he had any sympathy for Gerard Houllier, whose approval ratings at Villa Park are hovering just above zero.

Ready? "I don't like to hear any manager getting hostility, but I'd prefer it to be him than me. So, no, to be honest, I don't give a flying flute.

"I can empathise with him, I've been there, but "sympathy" is not the word. Look it up in the dictionary, it's between shit and syphilis." In other words, McCarthy stopped just short of offering Houllier a shoulder to cry on.

"Jesus satisfied 5,000 with five loaves and two fishes. Ian Holloway has satisfied millions with 11 Tangerines." – Blackpool might be struggling, but according to this banner at their last game, Holloway is still their Messiah.

RONALDO CLARK

IT might just be an eyesight issue, but heard at the Aviva Stadium on Saturday night: "Why is Cristiano Ronaldo on the cover of our match programme?" Actually, Ciarán Clark was probably asking the same question.

Prejudiced: Bothroyd's tweet bad enough but Lemmers' hunting ditty really offside

IT was back in January that Cardiff City's Jay Bothroyd got himself in to a spot of bother when he took to Twitter ahead of Spurs' game against Manchester United and asked: "What's the predictions for the next game?? I think utd hope so don't like those yids!!!!!!!!"

At that point the former Arsenal trainee was advised by one of his tweeting buddies his message had been a touch offensive, which came as news to Bothroyd. "Is yid a racist word??," he asked. "Didn't no that I apologise if it is, that's all I was used to hear growing up on the Arsenal terraces."

Well, news from the Netherlands kind of puts Bothroyd in the ha'penny place.

After scoring in ADO Den Haag's 3-2 win over Ajax, Lex Immers was caught on video celebrating the victory in a bar later that night by joining in a rousing rendition of "we're going to hunt for Jews", a tune directed at Ajax's traditional support.

"I got carried away in the euphoria of a special win and at that moment was unaware of the offensive tone to an entire nation," he said after the Dutch FA announced they were investigating the incident.

"In the presence of two coaches, a player and a group of fans I have let the fan in me go," he later told Voetbal International. "When I sing We're going to hunt for Jews, I mean that we want to beat Ajax".

Nothing more, nothing less. The slogan "We're going to hunt for Jews" seemed innocent." Hmm….

Balotelli wants an audience with his idol: Brazilian balm the only cure for Mario

"INTRODUCE me to (the Brazilian) Ronaldo and I swear I'll behave to the end of my playing career," promised Manchester City's Mario Balotelli last week after yet another spell of on and off-the-field trouble.

First there was that sending off against Dynamo Kiev in the Europa League, the player later getting out of his car outside the ground to have a 'word' with Kiev supporters.

And last week he was accused of causing a rumpus in a restaurant by chanting "Rooney! Rooney!" across the room at the lady with whom the United man had a bit of a fling last year. And then he blew a raspberry in the face of her companion, like you do.

And that's just the gist of it. Meeting Ronaldo, though, would, he promises, change him. "I never met him, so you know when you see the idol of a lifetime it can change your way of thinking? There are many great players, but Ronaldo was the greatest and so one word from him is worth a thousand from the others. I already behave myself fairly well, but I'll try to stop doing those stupid little things. It happens. You'll soon see the real Mario on the field!"

That's good to hear because the fella needs to calm down and just concentrate on his …. wait, breaking news: "Mario Balotelli is the subject of yet another disciplinary inquiry at Manchester City after the striker was caught throwing darts at the club's youth team players, according to reports. The Peoplereport the 20-year-old threw the darts from a first-floor window because he was 'bored'." Ronaldo was in London yesterday, for the Brazil v Scotland game – you can only hope City drove Mario down to meet him.

Not a Christian act: Ref gets a kick out of regional game

THERE were rather unpleasant scenes during a regional game in Argentina between Juventud Catolica (Catholic Youth) de Rio Segundo and Sportivo Laguna Larga recently, the referee and his officials attacked by Juventud Catolica players after one of their team-mates was booked.

Kicks and punches rained in on the officials, with the referee knocked unconscious. "I received several blows and kicks," he said. "I got a kick in the head. I was taken to hospital where I had X-rays. I have been a referee for 10 years and this is the first time something like this has happened. I was very scared. Thank God I am alive to tell the story."

The police are investigating the incident but the chairman of Catholic Youth is a bit, well, unrepentant about it all. "We are tired of being discriminated against. Our players keep coming up against assholes, referees who provoke them. Yes, we are a young team, the team of the priest, but we are tired of this," said, eh, Fr Alejandro Aguirre.

1,000,000,000

Not even an offer of that many pounds would persuade Harry Redknapp to sell Luka Modric, he said last week. God alone knows what he'd ask for Gareth Bale.

Villa go to war: General Krulak rallies his troops

RICHARD Dunne and Ciarán Clark would be forgiven for seeming a little war weary when they turn up for international duty. Indeed, if Giovanni Trapattoni ever tries to issue a rallying cry to his troops you suspect the pair would just sigh in a "here we go again" kind of way. After all, one of the directors at Aston Villa is General Charles Chandler Krulak, former 31st Commandant of the Marine Corps – and this was his recent message for the Villa lads:

"When my Marines put on their uniforms and the emblem of the Corps and went into battle and things got tough, they did not fight for their Commander, they fought for their brothers-in-arms, the men wearing their uniform and emblem. When a player puts on a kit and wears the club badge, I would expect the same. We have very good lads who know how to play with passion. We have all seen them do it and have cheered them on. They are professionals who have given 110 per cent in many games. What we need now is to quit pointing fingers and everyone look at the Claret and Blue of our kit and the badge they are wearing and go out and kick the crap out of the next teams we play until the end of the season."

Memories of a French "madhouse": Pires puts the boot in on his former manager

"We were managed by a madman – Raymond Domenech. When he was in charge I felt I was going to a madhouse. I was physically sick. Arsene Wenger used to ask me what was wrong. I would reply that I didn't want to go there. The man is insane."

– Robert Pires reflects fondly on his time playing for France, and his warm relations with Le Gaffer.

"The trouble is you can put the inflatables in your pocket then blow them up inside the ground, which makes it very difficult to stop."

– An FA 'insider' explaining to the Sunlast week why they were powerless to stop England fans bringing inflatable sheep to Cardiff.

"Arsene Wenger has bought some tall defenders. There was Edu, then came Sol Campbell, Kolo Toure and even Ralph Lauren was over six foot."

– Pundit extraordinaire Perry Groves on Wenger's fashionable defensive purchases.

"My career would have been different if I hadn't committed so many mistakes."

– Adrian 'two failed drug tests and too-many-to-count hissy fits' Mutu makes a valid enough point.

"I was very young the first time he was at the club, but he is still a nutcase."

– Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny issues a warm 'welcome home' to Jens Lehmann.