TV VIEW:He meant well, you can be sure, but Richard Keys' fretting at the weekend about post-World Cup fatigue, rustiness, a lack of match fitness and the like was, frankly, unnecessary. Us viewers have, after all, had a whole month to recover from South Africa and while it may take a week or two for our first remote control touch to be as sharp as we'd like, we're ready.

He was, though, worried too about the Fabio Capello’s lads being a bit exhausted, which, you can only imagine, led to an avalanche of rude words from English couches, with many a cry of “I spent longer in Lanzarote on my holidays than that shower spent in South Africa!” It’s a fair enough point, you have to admit.

Besides, judging by the press coverage of the players’ activities after their World Cup demise they seem to have an inexhaustible supply of energy, Peter Crouch in particular demonstrating an extraordinary nocturnal engine.

Crouchie, alas, didn’t take his scoring form into the Spurs versus Manchester City game, the opening course of our Premier League weekend feast, but he wasn’t alone, the 0-0 draw not quite the lift-off we’d hoped for after being promised potentially the most thrilling Premier League season in the history of planet earth.

But it’s not always easy to live up to that class of hype, unless, of course, you’re Blackpool. “I will take a photograph of the table and then retire,” said Ian Holloway after his Seasiders, as they say in the football trade, made poor old Wigan take a long walk off a short pier. Until Chelsea scraped home 6-0 against West Brom Blackpool were top of that table, presenting every headline writer this side of Bangkok with the chance to use what they never thought they’d have a chance to use this season: ‘Tangerine Dream!’ Eric Cantona, as is his dieu-like wont, was right: “In uncertainty lies the drama of life – who knows what is next, because anything can happen in sport.”

Mind you, if we see his ads for Sky Sports one more time we could well put the remote control through the screen. It’s gas all the same, a French fella who retired from football 13 years ago the 2010 face of the most omnipresent English advertising campaign since “For Mash Get Smash”. Funny old game.

Sunday and we were promising any one who would listen – thanks Fido – that Joe Cole would make a major impact on his debut for Liverpool. He did too, on Laurent Koscielny, although depending on your persuasion it was (a) a harsh red card, he went for the ball, meant no harm, or (b) he’s Liverpool’s new Tommy Smith. In the little fella’s defence, though, he didn’t hand Andrey Arshavin a hospital menu in the tunnel, as Tommy had (legal department: “allegedly”) the habit of doing when he spotted a silky-skilled opponent loitering under the “This is Anfield” sign.

Back in the Sky studio Paul Merson and Jamie Redknapp sort of agreed the referee sort of had no choice to sort of send off Colie, but both insisted “he’s not that type of player”. Seeing as he was airborne when he bumped into Koscielny, though, that was probably as futile a defence as Harold Shipman telling his judge “I’m not that type of general practitioner”.

Incidentally, it was quite fabulous to see Merse promoted to the role of Jamie’s sidekick for the opening Clash of the Very Big Titans, a bit like Wise being fired and Morecambe being selected to partner Morecambe. “I ’ave to say, I’m worried about Villa now that Martin O’Neill’s gone,” he’d told us midweek, “they could even finish in the bottom half of the table – like, 10th.”

Any way, after Colie’s sending off it was a dull enough affair, if you don’t count 10-man Liverpool taking the lead, Pepe Reina’s injury-time own goal and Koscielney’s sending off, all of it a bit of blur, like a Gráinne Murphy dip in the pool.

Which is possibly how Waterford feel about yesterday’s experience at Croke Park, where the Tipp men earned the right to be the county that Kilkenny beat in next month’s final. But wait. “It won’t be a cake-walk in the park for Kilkenny,” insisted Cyril Farrell, doubling up on his metaphors much as Tipp might need to double up on their marking in three weeks’ time.

But remember, “in uncertainty lies the drama of life – who knows what is next, because anything can happen in sport”. Still, as Eric must know, Kilkenny take one look at All-Ireland final opponents and then proceed to mash ’em.

And for mash you get a five-in-row Smash.