Football without Roy Keane will be ditchwater-dull, writes Mary Hannigan
THEY MOVE on quickly, football fans. After a brief enough spell of rejoicing/mourning on the main Ipswich supporters’ forum yesterday (ratio-wise, about 98-2), the discussion turned to who would replace the sacked Roy Keane. The King is dead, and all that.
“Gary Megson?” “Huh? Bring back Keane!” “Just saw Pep Guardiola down the marina.” “Was Messi with him?” “I can exclusively reveal we are in talks with Diego Maradona.” “At least he wouldn’t have us playing hoof ball.” “I quite like Avram Grant.” “A bit early to be drinking, but it is Friday.” “Gordon Strachan?” “Go forth and multiply. Sorry, but there is not a polite answer to that one.”
Curiously, though, there was silence over on the ‘Roy Keane Out Of Ipswich Town FC’ page on Facebook, the supporter behind the campaign – “Keane is killing Ipswich!” – possibly too busy guzzling champagne to update the 116 who had ‘liked’ his efforts.
Cynics suggested the only ones who disliked the campaign were of the Norwich City persuasion.
Sky Sports News, meanwhile, canvassed the opinions of anyone who happened to be ambling past Portman Road, the shock and outrage over the decision to end Keane’s 20-month reign, well, notable by its absence.
“About time to be honest,” shrugged the first Tractor Boy. “The football we’ve been watching has just been dire – it hasn’t been very attacking, which is our way, and the players he’s brought in haven’t been Ipswich Town players.”
“Well, it had to be done, hadn’t it? He hasn’t got us anywhere. So yeah, move on,” said the second fella, sounding a bit Keano-esque himself, in a ‘get over it’ kind of way.
“He was a good player,” conceded the next man, “but he’s not a very good manager, is he?”
A bit of a consensus, then, the Ipswich supporters also united by their desire for a return to the halcyon days when Arnold Muhren, Frans Thijssen, John Wark, Kevin Beattie, Paul Mariner and the like treated the Portman Road faithful to fantasy football. (Granted, the younger tractor lads might have said: "Arnold who?") The Sky Sports Newsreporter hadn't the heart to tell any of them that that craving was unlikely to be satisfied any day soon, even if Guardiola and Maradona took over as co-managers, seeing as there is a distinct lack of fantasy footballers in the current Ipswich squad and insufficient funds to attract today's Galacticos to Suffolk.
And Keane’s €9.6m budget over 20 months was hardly enough to jam-pack it with any Dutch masters.
So, then, is this the end of Keane’s managerial career? Eamon Dunphy, his former friend, expressed one or two doubts yesterday. “I don’t think he is cut-out temperamentally for management. I don’t think he will get another job in football. He has proved, like many great players, to be unable to do the difficult job.” That’s a ‘maybe’, then. What about punditry? Well, after revealing that he’d rather “go to the dentist” than work as a pundit for Sky Sports again, you’d have to assume that’s a ‘maybe not’.
“I’d only work in TV if I fell on hard times,” he said, “I wouldn’t trust them (pundits) to walk my dog. Anytime I watch a game on television, I have to turn the commentators off. They say ‘he’s playing well’ and I’m thinking ‘no, he’s not’. There are ex-players and ex-referees being given air-time who I wouldn’t listen to in a pub.” Jamie ‘everyone’s brilliant’ Redknapp, then, can sleep soundly tonight.
Does Keane need to work in football again? No. According to the Sunday Times' 2010 rich list he's worth €36m, making him the second wealthiest coach in British and Irish sport, behind yer man, Fabio Capello.
But the notion that Keane – a mere child at 39 – will be content to pass his days counting his €36m, tending to his petunias and playing Scrabble with Triggs (reports of whose death last year were mightily exaggerated) are, you’d imagine, a bit silly.
“I will do a good job, if not at Ipswich, trust me, then somewhere else,” he said recently, and we’re familiar enough with the fella at this stage to know that when he misses a tackle or two it just makes him trebly determined to nail it next time around. “I get knocked down, but I get up again,” that kind of thing.
So, like Arnold – Schwarzenegger, not Muhren – he’ll most probably be back. Hopefully, too. Football without Roy Keane is ditchwater-dull.
Granted, he still has to learn how to forgive his players for not being Roy Keane, and until he sorts out that little foible he’ll be destined for a managerial career as illustrious as that of his former midfield buddy, Bryan Robson. He’s a smarter cookie, though, so, don’t bid adieu just -yet.
