LockerRoom: It Came to Me When . . . The Stories Behind the Great Songs Number One: Don Henley of The Eagles on the band's signature hit, Hotel G-A-A, writes Tom Humphries.
I wrote this song pretty much as it happened. We were in Dublin, Ireland, on a short flop between gigs, and some of the band got into this heavy kind of scene at a nurses' dance in Barry's Hotel, which back in those days was a pretty cool place to hang, sort of nurses-a-go-go retro hip.
Anyway, the guys got into this thing with a group of kinky radiographers from Tuam, and because I was doing this whole heavy detox thing at the time I allowed myself get separated from them. I knew that whole Tuam thing could turn rough and, anyway, I wanted to check out this place I'd heard about, a hotel where they served only ham sandwiches and tea.
So instead of heading back downtown I headed towards what seemed to be the ghetto area. I was cool with that. I found the place eventually. It was hard to get into. Some of those maor guys back then were real heavy dudes.
On a dark Dublin byway
Cool drizzle in my hair
Warm smell of the canal
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a 40-watt light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night.
There he stood in the doorway
A Clones maor I could tell
And I was thinking to myself
This isn't Heaven, this must be Hell
He said 'Have you a reservation'
I have many, but I'd still like to stay
There were voices down the corridor:
'Tell Mr Smartypants to go away'.
Actually, what came to me first was the chorus. We were on the tour bus and the guys were wearing lead aprons and tossing around these X-rays they'd had taken of their asses, and the melody just came to me. I knew straight away if I could get this totally weirded out experience into words we'd have a hit with it. So I started writing the words on the back of a Gateaux Swiss Roll box.
Welcome to the Hotel G-A-A
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
(background vocals) Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel G-A-A
Any time of year
Any time of year
(background) You can find it here
So long as it's not beer.
I can remember, of course, the hassle with the doorman; he'd served in Clones and I guess he'd seen a lot of very bad things there. I don't hold anything against him, he was just doing his job, keeping people out. He was connected, but I had friends too.
The whole GAA movement back then was made up of committees and it was the same in the hotel. You rang the Room Service Committee if you wanted tea and sandwiches in the room.
His mind is powerful twisted
He says 'I'd better warn ya,
I've got loads of county board boys
That I call mo chairde
I'd say you only played junior
With your long hair and your sweat
You'd be ate in Scotstown
You wouldn't last in Clontibret'.
So I called the Cathaoirleach
Please bring me my wine
He said: 'We haven't sold drink here since Congress zero-five'
And I heard Mick Loftus laughing
from far away
Ask is a mineral alright
Just to hear what he'll say
Welcome to the Hotel G-A-A
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
(background) Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel G-A-A
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise
(background) They don't show Sky
They had theme rooms back then, and they were just getting into this whole thing - which is huge now, of course - where they allowed young couples to do it out on the pitch with the Artane Boys Band playing the appropriate county song. It was a hurling weekend and from across the road you could hear chicks being deflowered to The Rose of Mooncoin.
I remember you had this whole list of things you had to choose from when you checked in. I just wanted to hang out, but it was like, will you be having a tunnel incident while you're here, Sir, will you be using the back door, for this much extra the GAC can ban you for up to six months. I wasn't in the right kind of place in my head for that. You know?
GAC cameras on the ceiling
The ham sandwiches are quite nice
The waiter said 'We are all just pioneers here, of our own device'
And in the Uachtarán's chambers
They gathered for their tea
They stir it with their plastic spoons
And then count the money
Last thing I remember
Was a shemozzle at the door
I thought I would be stretched
But the ref made it a draw
'Relax,' said the doorman
'We are programmed to isolate drinkers
politicians or those connected with
Euro two-thousand-and-eight.
And that was it. I wrote it in five minutes flat, and that night, before a gig in Hackballscross, I played it to Glenn Frey and Glenn didn't rate it. He'd written something on the back of a Major packet about a guy who gets into the whole Tuam/radiographers scene late in life and they don't rate him. Podge Come Lately, the New Kid in Town.
We argued about it and the band split up for a while. I played junior with Iniskeen till we got back together. Just to prove a point for myself.
Not a lot of people know that. I guess it was the beginning of the end.
