Hartlepool mascot H'Angus the Monkey has been banned from Scunthorpe United's Glanford Park ground after ugly scenes during the half-time interval in the club's Caparo Merchant Bar. H'Angus was alleged to have harassed a 35-year-old female member of Scunthorpe's match day staff - but don't worry, she was well able for him.

"She had her arm around the Scunthorpe mascot, a rabbit, to have a photo taken and H'Angus just tried to muscle in for the picture," explained a witness interviewed by the Hartlepool Mail (no kiddin'). "He put his arm around the woman and she took umbrage. She pushed him away and he more or less said `don't do that'. He did it again and she then whacked him in the head. It was a hell of right hook and it would have floored him if he hadn't been wearing that big head." Superb.