It can't be easy finding enough fuel to keep the transfer rumour machine running smoothly through Christmas week, but fair play to the English tabloids, they came up with the season's biggest story on Tuesday: David Beckham will be moving to Barcelona in the not so distant future. How do we know this? Well, a friend of a friend of a friend (repeat to fade) of Elton John sold an exclusive story to every one of the tabloids last week revealing that Beckham had told Elton that Posh Spice wanted to move "somewhere sunny". So, there's the proof. It can only be Barcelona.

Rivaldo, the new European Footballer of the Year, doesn't want to move somewhere wet and soggy so he won't replace Beckham as Manchester's favourite son. Instead he'll opt for Lazio when he leaves sunny Barcelona, for a modest £39 million, while German striker Oliver Bierhoff is all set to leave clammy Milan for balmy Leeds for £32 million less. Marseille and Monaco are willing to take cranky Frank Leboeuf off Chelsea's hands, while George Graham would like to purchase another Frenchman, David Trezeguet, having failed to sign the first 106 strikers on his wanted list.

Elsewhere . . . Arsenal would like to sign Marseille's Robert Pires; Manchester United are reportedly after an Inter Milan player we've never heard of, Ousmane Dabo; Darren Anderton has had offers to take himself and his crutches to United, Roma, Inter Milan and Lazio; Liverpool want Brian Kidd to join their backroom team (should improve his relationship with Alex Ferguson) and Gerard Houllier would also like Norwegian Erik Mykland to make Anfield his new home.