TV View:Zig and Zag, Biddy and Miley, Oscar Wilde, Johnny Logan, Maureen Potter, Oliver St John Gogarty, Willie John McBride, Big Tom, St Brigid, Donie Cassidy, your boys took one hell of a . . . well, not a beating, not even a draw, but good God, it felt worse than both, writes Mary Hannigan

And there were we thinking Cyprus was the low point. As Brian Kerr put it, in the TV3 commentary box, "I didn't think it could be worse, but . . . "

So, our uselessness very nearly led to one of the most famous sporting nights in the history of the Most Serene Republic of San Marino, and bearing in mind it was founded in AD 301 that's a lot of sporting nights.

We didn't see it coming, to be honest. Although, after 40 minutes or so, when Kerr noted that "they're hanging on for dear life, trying to get to half-time", we weren't 110 per cent sure which team he was talking about.

Stephen Cullinane, our TV3 host for the evening, had earlier dismissed the notion there were "no easy games in international football any more" when San Marino was the opposition - and having lost 13-0 to Germany you'd have to assume San Marino wouldn't have disagreed.

But as the minutes wore on we were doubting Stephen's confidence, and his words to his panel: "We know Ireland will win," he had said.

They worried us because of this theory that's been doing the rounds that every woe that has befallen Irish international football in recent years can be entirely, utterly and completely laid at TV3's door - they cover the game, Ireland muck it up.

We thought this theory was harsh, until TV3 brought us live and exclusive coverage of Ireland's trip to Cyprus a few months back. Say no more.

That didn't dampen the optimism of the lads in the studio, John Aldridge was looking for an excellent performance and, goals-wise, "you'd look to get somewhere near the five, six - hopefully seven".

Back in the commentary box Kerr was equally confident. "They're the quintessential team made up of the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, although I think their jobs these days might be a little bit more posh, accountants and government officials and so forth, but we really should be expecting to beat these handy."

We should. But. Good grief.

"We have to be more convicted in the 18-yard box," said Aldo at half-time, echoing the thoughts of many viewers who might have felt a spell in Mountjoy would do these lads no harm at all.

"Sad to say it, at this stage I'd just be happy to get the win," said Ronnie Whelan, which sounded terribly negative to us.

"To be honest, hopefully, it can't get any more worse," said Stephen, as we settled down for the second half, cushions at the ready just in case we needed to avert our eyes.

But, goal. Good. Keep 'em coming, lads. Calculators ready.

And then. As Trevor Welch put it: "This could be dangerous. This could be real trouble for Ireland. Oh. My. God. They've. Scored. Would you believe it?"

No, Trevor, no. "My God, you'll never get a softer goal than that," said Kerr, who, at times like this, must be happy enough to be out of it. But he's probably not. There could be a vacancy soon, he should get his CV ready.

Stephen Ireland, thank you. "Phew," as they say. But truly, have you ever seen worse?

"The whole thing was an embarrassment," said Kevin Moran back in the studio, although he didn't see much point in changing the manager. The silence of his colleagues suggested they didn't see much point in keeping him.

What last night did prove, though, is that there are no easy games in international football any more.

For Ireland, that is.