World Cup Speak: Mary Hannigan compiles a selection of some of the more interesting quotes which graced the airways and print media during the World Cup.
The commentators
"The opening ceremony is broken into three sections: prayer, communication, harmony and sharing." - Jimmy Magee loses count.
"Nothing resembles a Korean like another Korean, especially when they are all dressed like footballers - they all measure 1.70 metres."
- Thierry Roland (TF1, France). Oh, Lordy.
"McCarthy gave Ian Harte a special cuddle after he pulled him off." - The BBC's Barry Davies. Indeed.
"Yeah, if my Mom had wheels she'd be a bike." - Knockbridge's finest, Tommy Smyth (ESPN). (Warm thanks to Mike in New York for this one, but, like Mike, we can't make sense of it either.)
"Djorkaeff will be playing in Zidane's hole."
- ITV's Clive Tyldesley. What can we say?
"A little stud problem for Steve Finnan. It's been solved . . . by a spanner." - George Hamilton being unnecessarily abusive towards Irish physio Mick Byrne (thanks to the lads at the ever tremendous www.dangerhere.com for this pearl).
"The fourth official is Japanese today." - John Motson (BBC). But what will he be tomorrow?
"Against France, Rommedahl had a beautiful game. He kept slipping in the backside of the French players." - ESPN's Tommy Smyth, again.
The co-commentators
"I think what would help the Ecuadorian side is if they could get a glimpse of the possibility of scoring a goal." - ITV's Graham Taylor points Ecuador in the right direction.
"The Italians can blame no one but themselves. They can blame the referee for the sending off, no doubt about that, but they can blame no one but themselves." - The BBC's Joe Royle.
"It looks like the USA will get through the group. No one would have thought, apart from some people, that this would be the case." - The Beeb's David Pleat.
"Kieron Dyer actually tried to ride the defender there." - Trevor Brooking? Steady.
"If Italy had scored another goal, the Koreans would have been on the flight home." - Joe Royle again. Note: South Korea were home.
"He's coming inside Carnell here, but Carnell doesn't like it and lets him know that he's not going to go all the way." - Graham Taylor during the game between South Africa and Spain.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening." - David Pleat to commentator Jon Champion during the game between . . . like Pleatie, we weren't paying attention.
"I'm not a betting man, but I bet you Italy will win the game." - Graham Taylor.
"They've certainly grown, the Japanese. I mean grown in stature, playing-wise." - Big Ron Atkinson digs a hole, and just about avoids being buried in it.
The pundits
Gazza: "Senegal, which, beforehand, I've never heard of, looked very impressive."
Des Lynam: "You'd never heard of Senegal?"
Gazza: "No."
Des: "They've been part of Africa for some time."
"Ireland have got to score to win the game."
- Thanks for that, Bobby Robson.
"Well, it's a battle of the old adversaries, although, obviously, they haven't met before."
- Dave Bassett, on BBC Radio Five Live, previewing the Brazil v Germany final.
"I think the midfield partnership of Scutt and Boles can win it for England." - Sky Sports' expert Kenny Sansom.
"Seaman was f***ing five yards off his line. And what the f*** was he doing taking Michael Owen off?" - Ian Wright gives his thoughts on England's defeat by Brazil at a time when he mistakenly thought he was off-air.
"F***ing Krauts." - Alan Hansen - see above.
"There will be a game where somebody scores more than them and that might be the game that they lose." - Bobby Robson sees trouble ahead for Brazil.
Mistaken identity
"Les Ferdinand was England's rock at the heart of defence." - The Daily Mirror.
"A scrambled effort from captain David Owen which was ruled offside" - The Financial Times on England's warm-up game against Cameroon.
"United States skipper Claudio Ranieri is hoping his side can be one of the World Cup's surprise packets." - Sports.com confusing their Reynas with their Ranieris.
"The goalkeeper Gay Shiven had a good game." - Martin Dahlin, Sweden's TV4 channel World Cup analyst, after Ireland's game against Germany.
No love lost
"Don't cry for poor Argentina - The truth is we never loved you". - The Daily Mirror after England beat Argentina.
"We shan't cry for you England." - Cronica after Brazil beat England.
"Up yours Senors." - The Sun's front page message to Argentina.
"F*** You". - Ole's front page message to England.
"It would have been good if it was our result against them that put them out. It would have been nice to walk off and see their faces . . . if we see them on the way home on the coach we'll give them a wave."- Teddy Sheringham mourns Argentina's exit from the competition.
Ecstasy
"It was so exciting I almost forgot to breathe." - Japanese woman interviewed on local television after the hosts' win over Tunisia.
"My god, what happiness." - Turkish newspaper Milliyet after the quarter-final win over Senegal.
"We are now world champions - to beat the champions of the world is to become the champions of the world." - Senegal president Abdoulaye Wade after the win over France.
Tributes
Reporter: "What is China's strong point?"
Roberto Carlos (Brazil): "Running."
"Staunton and Breen are seriously deficient in ability." - Spanish newspaper AS.
"I know him well and he is a mediocre goalkeeper." - Paraguay goalkeeper Jose Luis Chilavert on his Spanish counterpart, Iker Casillas.
"Brazil train every day with its reserve team and they are better than the official England team." - Brazilian goalkeeper Marcos.
"Germany? I would struggle to name any of their players." - Ronaldo.
Charming
"If Rio Ferdinand is world class then Gazza is Parkinson." - James Traynor, writing in the Daily Record.
"You should change every position in the team - apart from Oliver Kahn. If you put all the other players in a sack and hit it, you would get someone who deserved it." - Franz Beckenbauer after Germany's win over the USA.
"Can you imagine what it would be like living in London if that bunch of precious, overpaid tossers win the World Cup?" - The BBC's Welsh-born radio presenter John Humphrys enjoying England's early triumphs.
"The United States loves heroes and underdogs, hates foreigners who trash the USA - it is really fun watching these underdogs, these heroes, beat those bastards." - As spotted on the ESPN website.
Modesty
"We know we represent the greatest country in the world." - USA coach Bruce Arena.
"We're pretty much the lead country in everything." - Clint Mathis explains why he expected the USA to win the World Cup.
"The Germans should be happy that they are merely allowed to compete against us in the final." - Roberto Carlos.
"I have all due respect for Ronaldo, Ronaldinho and Rivaldo, who are fantastic players, but they still have to beat me." - German goalkeeper Oliver Kahn.
The referee's a . . .
"A fat little toy with bulging eyes." - Italy's La Repubblica on Ecuador referee Byron Moreno.
"The appearance of a depressed cow." - La Stampa's description of Moreno.
"Now a referee from Benin will be in charge of our game against Costa Rica. I ask you, do you know where Benin is? Do they even have a league there?" - Turkish football federation president Haluk Ulusoy.
"We sacrificed 1,000 soldiers here to defend Koreans, and one Korean killed 70 million Turks last night." - Ulusoy, again, regretting Turkey's role in the Korean War after a Korean ref gave Brazil a dodgy penalty.
No conspiracy, just sour grapes
"It is racism with a small 'r', the condescending colonial attitude that has been imported to this region from the west for too long." - The Korean Times responds to conspiracy allegations.
"I was planning to go on holiday in Portugal, Italy or Spain after the World Cup but, after everything that has been said, I think I will have to change my plans now." - South Korean coach Guus Hiddink.
"Italians are talking about kickbacks or bribes because they use this form of corruption a lot. It reflects what they did or what they can do. I heard what the Perugia president said about the Korean scorer Ahn. Well, that gives you an idea about the Italians' moral weight. Italians are immature." - Referee Moreno fights back.
"Conspiracy theories crop up in all walks of life and in 99 per cent of cases they are unfounded. This one is one of the 99 per cent." - FIFA chairman Keith Cooper.
Welcome home
"We thought you could practise in your garden over the summer, starting with something which is easier to hold than a real football." - Two Danish fans as they presented goalkeeper Thomas Sorensen with a beach ball on his return to Copenhagen.
"The media has also blown it a bit out of proportion. There may have been a few angry phone calls with threats to players from some extremist groups, but those were isolated incidents." - A Russian Football Union spokesman attempts to play down death threats against the players on their return from the World Cup.
"So Long Safe Hands - But excuse us if we don't shed too many tears as you bow out." - The Sunday People's lovely message to David Seaman on his return home.
"It is not as if we are asking for chocolate from a butcher's shop." - Argentinian newspaper Ole evaluates Juan Sebastian Veron's World Cup contribution.
"He fell off his broomstick and the team lost flight." - Another Argentinian newspaper pays tribute to Veron, aka The Witch.
Fed up
"I have no bad feelings towards Torsten Frings, whose slip-up was the cause of me having to commit the tactical foul. It's over and done with now." - Michael Ballack points the finger.
Reporter: "Were you upset at conceding a goal?".
Magnus Hedman (Sweden): "No, I'm used to it - I play for Coventry."
It's a love thing
"I don't know about the others but, when I get there, I stare at the ceiling and think of Roy Keane. I can't help it." - Niall Quinn on his night-time thoughts.
"Iker isn't human. The day he came to earth, light shone down upon his house like it did at the gate of Bethlehem when Jesus Christ arrived in the world." - Spain's AS after goalkeeper Iker Casillas did his thing against Ireland.
"When you swap shirts after the match you expect it to smell bad because of the sweat. But Beckham's smelled really nice. Right after the game ended every one was saying that Beckham is really handsome." - Ronaldo's in love.
"I can buy you, I can buy your house, your family and I can buy that mountain we were running on in Slovenia during our preparations. You were a dickhead player and you're the same as a coach now." - Slovenia's Zlatko Zahovic plays hard to get with coach Srecko Katancec.
